No B.S Friday: There’s something a bit off about the idea of an ‘inner child’.
The whole inner child thing is bullshit.
No seriously. I reckon it does more harm than good.
Sure, it's kind of a nice idea. It's nice to think that inside you is a pure and innocent child version of yourself.
And it's nice to think about what that child needs. Because the child's needs are fairly basic.
A child needs love. A child needs affection. A child needs to feel seen and heard.
A child needs to feel joy.
But what is a child really?
Are we talking about a juvenile, undeveloped human? A human with poorly developed executive function? A human with weakly regulated emotions?
A human whose emotional world is constantly up-ended buy a rocket-fuel cocktail of unbalanced hormones?
When we say inner child, is this the child we mean?
No of course not.
So what are we actually talking about?
Well I think what we are trying to do, is focus on two things.
The first is on our innocent and childlike needs. Those needs for love and affection and so on.
But in what sense are they childlike needs? At what point do you ever outgrow them?
No one ever says, “I used to need love and affection, but I outgrew that phase.”
Nobody.
And the second thing I think we focus on, is the simple freedom a child enjoys.
The key thing that distinguishes children from adults, is that adults have responsibilities.
Adults have bills to pay. Adults have jobs. Adults have chores.
Adults have an endless list of things that make them miserable, but they still have to do anyway.
And so when we focus on our inner child, what we are really doing is coming back to our most fundamental needs, and imagining a reality where we can do the things that bring us joy.
But isn't that describing an ideal life at any age?
Shouldn't we all aspire to be connected to our most basic needs, and to live a life where we are constantly doing the things that make us happy?
Who says that only children get to live that way?
That's not a rhetorical question by the way. I'm serious. Who says that only children can be happy and have their needs met? Who says that being an adult is about doing things that make you miserable, and being disconnected from your most basic needs?
(If that question has an answer, I think it's the same people who want you to be a compliant and silent cog in the machine.)
So look. I'm sure in some instances it's a useful analytical device, to imagine that there is a small innocent child within you with simple and universal needs. I'm sure it can be useful.
But we begin to drift from the life that is possible when we buy into the idea that being an adult sucks.
It doesn't have to. It can be awesome.
And at the end of the day, we should all aspire to be as happy as children.
JG.
Michael Jackson says
Well said like to read enjoy it.