I’m trying to write a blog about why considerate Aussies say ‘try’ all the time. No I’m not. I’m doing it!
Over the last few years I’ve been steadily eradicating the word “try” from my vocabulary.
It’s a soft useless word, with girly-man arms.
Compare the statements:
“I am trying to build a high-performance portfolio.”
And
“I am building a high-performance portfolio.”
What does “trying to” add to this? “High performance portfolio” is the object. “Building” is the verb. “I” is the subject.
What is “trying” doing there? All it does bring a bit of a downer to the whole story. It sneaks into the party, steals a few beers, and then pisses in the corner on the carpet.
It’s a “softener”. It gives the whole sentence a softer edge. But why do we need a softener? I’m talking about my financial future. I’m talking laser-like focus and clear intention. I’m talking action.
I’m not talking about washing towels.
Language is a powerful tool, but it also has its limitations.
There are 170,000 words in the Oxford dictionary. There are millions of possible combinations. We can describe complex and difficult abstract concepts, like “sex appeal” or “goofy”.
But for all its power, language barely holds a candle to the great ocean of human communication.
And so we have these things that work as ‘nuancers’. (See, 170,000 words and I still have to make them up.)
“Trying” brings a certain nuance to that sentence. Like if you said, “There’s room for improvement there.” It’s not as full-on as, “What a steaming pile of poop.” The nuance allows us to be a bit softer.
So the question is why would you use a softener in a sentence like “I’m trying to build a high-performance portfolio.”
(My theory is that it’s a bit of an Aussie thing. Now I’ve put you on to it, look out for it. You’ll notice it’s everywhere!)
Partly I think it comes back to politeness.
Say you call up the council, you might say, “I’m trying to find out how big my back-yard shark-tank feature can be.”
Really, what you’re saying is, “I want to find out…” But if you say ‘want’, it’s a bit strong. You’re placing the onus on them to meet your demand.
“Trying” makes it softer. It says you won’t hold it against them if they can’t give you an answer. “It’s ok, I was only trying. I was always going to be ok with failing.”
It’s not nice manners to put firm demands on people (in Australian culture), and so ‘trying’ as a softener makes it seem more polite.
It seems more polite because “trying” softens your commitment and allows space for other people’s needs.
I’m trying to stop smoking, I’m trying to exercise more, I’m trying to not spend too long on the computer. However, if you have a really good reason, I’m not totally committed to that preference. I can be a little flexible.
Allowing space for other people’s needs is what we mean by considerate. Generally, I’d say, that’s a good thing.
But we don’t want to bring a soft, girly-man arms commitment to everything in life.
Some things we want to be rock solid about.
Like stopping smoking. Don’t say, “I am trying to stop smoking.” Say I am stopping smoking. Better yet, say, I have stopped smoking.
“Trying” describes a mental state. We’re still in that space of shaping intention, figuring out our course of action. We’re feeling out the barriers that are holding us back and looking for that way towards our goal.
But as much as we can, we want to spend as little time here as possible.
We want to get out of the mental, and into the world of action.
I am saving more. I have quit sugar. I drink less than I used to.
If we use language like this, that’s anchored in the world of action, then our mental state is forced to catch up.
If you say, “I have quit sugar” enough times, then you start to believe it. You mentality adjusts. In your new world-view – you no longer eat sugar. The next time someone offers you a jelly doughnut, you don’t even have to think about it. There’s no temptation. In your mind, you just don’t eat stuff like that.
But if you say “I’m trying to quit sugar,” you’re still in that preparation phase. At some point soon, you will have quit sugar. But right now, you haven’t. Right now, you still eat sugar.
And if someone offers you a jelly doughnut, you have to make a choice. Choices involve will-power. We don’t always have as much will-power as we’d like.
And this, for me, is the power of language. We can form a picture of ourselves with our words. With that picture, we naturally include the things that fit that picture, or exclude the ones that don’t.
And that frees up mental energy. We’re not having to decide everything in any given moment. We don’t have to consider the jelly doughnut, we don’t have to weigh up the pros and cons. We don’t have to summon the will-power to say no.
It just becomes as simple as “I don’t eat that. Bang. Let’s move on. I’ve got blogs to write.”
As you set out on the course towards achieving more with your life, you come to appreciate how valuable your mental energy is.
You want to spend it on designing dazzling strategies for achieving your goals, not on fighting doughnuts.
Shifting from ‘try’ to ‘do’ wins all those battles before they’ve even begun.
I think Aussie culture makes us one of the most considerate people on the planet. That’s awesome. It means our teenagers can walk into jobs at pubs in any part of England.
But we need to make sure that politeness isn’t trapping us in ‘try’.
No one’s got energy for that.
And to finish off, I'll leave you with a famous American philosopher's words…
Do or do not, there is NO TRY.
~ Yoda
Why do you think we default to the word, try?
Well said. It could be to do with the ‘tall poppy’ thing. We don’t want to seem too confident or well get cut down.
While you’re at it get rid of ‘but’ too. Bang, no excuses.
Another quite irritating one is responding with “I’m not sure…” when you actually mean you don’t know. Please go and make sure and come tell me the answer, or say you don’t know and stop wasting my time.
Your sexism is showing through again, Why use the phrase “girly-man” repeatedly? Are you really not aware of how you sound? Perhaps you need to restore the word “try” in your vocab again, as in “try, really hard not to sound sexist!”, Unbelievable in this day and age for someone who tries to be an entrepreneur.
Im so bored of political corectness, always having to think about what your opinion is or what youre saying as not to offend anyone.let people just be who they are without taking it all to heart.A white man cant call a coloured man black?what should we call him off white?girly arms is a funny description,grow up or read something thats suites your propper taste and let the rest off us have a laugh.Im not sexist,racist,or preduguce,I just have an opinion that I have to be careful of voicing….hope I didnt offend you?
Yours is so full of grammatical and spelling errors ans cliches it’s impossible to be offended by ti.
Did you proof read your own reply? Its a bit special.Got any other critisism or have you had your fix…get over yourself, its obvious youre not perfect and once again you missed the point.
Oooh, you spotted a typo or two! Clever Boy, You get a gold star, Now go fetch some more…
Yawn, cant expect too much wit from a critic. Funny isnt it, that everyone can make typos….even the ones that think they are perfect. Thanks for proving my point.
Excuse me, but was it not YOU who started this “criticism” because I dared object to the sexist term “girly”? “Girly” is sexist and demeaning to women, it is even more demeaning when used to refer to men, as Jon seems to be doing, whether you like it or not; whether you find it politically correct or not.
I never said anywhere I was perfect, I’m entitled to express an opinion just like sexists like you and Jon express opinions being totally unaware of the meaning of some of the language you use.
I would be delighted to prove your point if you actually had one.
Go research the term “girly” in any reputable dictionary, or next time you meet a woman call her “girly”, and when you meet an indigenous person call them “coloured” and see what reactions you get.
Go read another blog and criticise them,this is an educational, tongue in cheek freedom of expression… And you might want to get yourself laid…. get your girly on,you sound uptight.
Thank phuck no one is taking your advice . My wife uses girly man often with the kids O my shame on her . As for spelling my dad can’t spell for crap and he is an awesome man and worth millions ,self made at that just like Jon ,you need to get out more . Maybe you just want to be called Boy-e-woman .O look ICant spell either who gives A ! Imagine a world where everyone thought like you NO THANKS . O my look at the word woMAN you better get that changed maybe no one refers to you as a WOMAN . HAVE ANICE DAY .
hey jon…great article..and the feminists are up in arms..yikes! now jon the plural of nuance..is nuances..not nuancers..unless i misconstrued your intention. yes the aussie man is gonna have action..mal will be proud of us. its a nice day in perth..i’m gonna try and do something positive ..no i am gonna DO something positive. see i have progressed jon..thanks mate
“It sneaks into the party, steals a few beers, and then pisses in the corner on the carpet”
“TRY” definitely has some magor social behavioral problems going on, it definitely won’t be coming to any of my social functions. Have a good hard look at yourself “TRY”.
Jon, you can add the word “just”
Why do the young folk insist to use the word just before the amount of money when i purchase something. I think it’s that polite thing you make mention of. It’s actually offending. “JUST ” tell me my coffee is $4.00
You don’t have to sugar coat it Gen Y & Z’s
And Jon THIS is why I love your NO BS blog!! Entertainment ++ and so insightful.
No longer shall I invite ‘TRY’ into my conversation or BBQ’s. Bang another mind converted!
I´d also highlight Aussie´s automatic response to “How are you?”: “Not too bad…”
What the hell is that kind of answer? Whatever happended to “Fine”, or “Good”, or even “Great!” People who answer “Not too bad” immediately put themselves in a bad situation, even if it´s “not too bad”.
I´ve been in the whole neuro-programming vocabulary mindset for some time now and this was one of the first things I noticed when I migrated to Australia!!
The same goes with the “No worries”, at first it seemed kinda funny to me, but now I can´t avoid thinking about the word “worry”. I believe the approprate answer to “thanks” should be “Sure” or “You´re welcome”.
Someone ask me “how are you?”, I reply, “I am not unwell!”
Yoda’s not American! He’s a JEDI!
Great One Jon! Appreciate your humour too….Now let’s also start thinking about other words we freely use in our sentences …like, The war on???? My goodness we are having wars with everything. This whole extravaganza sets us up and creates a negative emphasis. Language used seems unimportant on the surface, but closely examined underneath is definitely setting us up for failure or success… depending on how you word it.
Jon is pointing out the underlying power of language … be aware of ‘try’, ‘but’ and others, including ‘girly’ arms. When a feminine word is used in a derogatory way (implying weakness in this case) it is sexist, and there are many out there … eg ‘motherhood statement’. Be aware of the way of thinking behind such language and the effect it has on people … like the women in your life!
There is no derogatory nature to the word ‘girly’. It is a simple desciptive way of someones arms. You have just interpreted it as derogatory.
You’re living in a bubble of your own making.