Our last set of Conspiracy Filters – saving the best for last
Okay, I’ve got my last batch of conspiracy filters for you. And I’ve saved the most fun for last.
Remember, these filters aren’t about helping you determine the ‘truth’. They’re about helping you decide what conspiracies are worth worrying about, and which ones aren’t.
Ready? Let’s start with the De Niro Filter
The De Niro Filter
Does the theory involve the implausible use of celebrities?
A ridiculous number of theories out there seem to involve Hollywood actors in deep-state activities. As if they’ve gone, “I’ve just made a gazillion dollars prancing about like a twit, I think I’ll go get involved in establishing a one world government. I’m sure my unique skills are going to be really useful to the cause.”
I could have named this after any number of celebrities – Justin Beiber, Lady Gaga, Eminem. But I went with Robert de Niro, after his supposed role in the assignation of a Pakistani female education activist. From Wikipedia:
Conspiracy theories concerning Malala Yousafzai… variously allege that she is a Western spy, or that her attempted murder by the Taliban in 2012 was a secret operation to further discredit the Taliban, and was organized by her father and the CIA and carried out by actor Robert de Niro disguised as an Uzbek homeopath.
Lol. Homeopath. Oh gawd. I’m crying.
I think the people who imagine that celebrities are doing this stuff believe they live in a universe filled with no more than 1000 people, and that reality is much like what they see on their screens.
Celebrities sell – it has gossip value. But for me, it never passes the laugh test.
The Pure Evil Filter
Does the theory ask me to believe that the perpetrators are motivated by nothing but “pure evil”?
A lot of conspiracy theories seem to suggest that the people behind them are simply Disney-style evil. They want to do evil things because they “just like evil”.
I think this is actually just a retreat opinion when you can’t understand, or can’t be bothered trying to understand, someone’s motivations.
Evil isn’t a motivation, it’s a calculation. It’s about what you are willing to do to get what you want.
Hitler wasn’t motivated by evil. It was his willingness to do horrific things to get what he wanted – that’s what makes him the poster-boy of evil.
Now, quite a few people have said that Bill Gates is behind the Corona virus outbreak. The theory goes that he has deliberately released the virus to drive acceptance of mandatory vaccines. He is pushing mandatory vaccines because… he is evil.
I’m not buying it. I could maybe be open to the idea that Bill Gates is a technician who is overly focused on technical solutions to health problems, and the agencies he has sponsored have been too caviller with their testing programs in the third world.
That might be plausible.
But he’s definitely not motivated by the money – a man with his brand and leverage in the tech world would have a gazillion ways to make money that didn’t involve the brand risk of murdering African children.
And so you’ve got to go to “Bill Gates is evil” because it’s the only motivation that makes sense.
But as I said, evil isn’t a motivation, it’s a calculation.
And it just doesn’t add up for me.
The Delusions of Relevance Filter
Is the plot aimed at silencing or neutralising a group of people who were never going to do anything about anything anyway?
One thing I’ve noticed is that many people who believe in conspiracy theories imagine themselves to be quite close to the action.
The Reptilians are using chem-trail mind control because they are afraid of what me and my friends are capable of.
The Corona lockdown is about silencing and controlling us because the government is scared of our power.
It is possible that the most powerful organisations in the world think that some hippy in a café posing stuff on the internet is a threat to their interests, but I doubt it.
In the same way that I doubt anyone is really worried about the revolutionary potential of the Australian population – most of whom take absolutely no interest in politics on day to day basis.
Now I’m not saying that there aren’t attempts by the powers that be to manipulate opinion or ‘manufacture consent. Sure. Totally.
But when someone says that the main aim of the plot is about silencing or neutralising them, it feels a bit like a delusion of grandeur – the imagined belief that you actually have any role to play in this story.
… particularly when you have no demonstrated capacity to play any role in the story other than posting a few angry memes on Facebook.
So when a theory says that there’s a plot to control a group of people, the first question I ask is how much did that group need to be controlled anyway? Like, at all?
This is the Delusions of Relevance filter.
And that’s a wrap.
Hopefully you’ve found this useful. Some people are saying that it is helping them name why certain theories just ‘feel off’.
If so, I’m glad.
Anyway, just to recap, our complete list, brought to you by the Freemason Space Lizard Corporation, is:
- The Comfortably Numb Filter – does the theory leave me feeling righteous but disempowered and helpless?
- The Truman Filter – does the theory involve an implausible number of people coordinated with clock-work precision?
- The Magical Lizard Filter – does the theory ask me to believe in magical lizards, supernatural phenomena, or implausible tech?
- The Contorted Competency Filter – Does the theory ask me to believe in competency where no competency has been demonstrated, or in incompetency where no incompetency has been demonstrated?
- The Inverted Paydays Filter – do the payouts run counter to the perpetrators interests?
- The Decoy Filter – does the theory ask me to look past an obvious conspiracy to a deeper counter-theory?
- The Pure Evil Filter – does the theory ask me to believe that the perpetrators are motivated by pure evil?
- The De Niro Filter – does the theory involve the implausible use of celebrities? Is it Unbelieberble?
- The Delusions of Relevance Filter – is the theory aimed at silencing or neutralising a group of people who were never going to do anything about anything anyway?
Happy thinking folks.