Your opportunity to win an I-pad – and make a full-power start to the year. Challenge Six – Receiving
Ok, so this is the Knowledge Source Power Challenge – your opportunity to set a cracking start to the year and win some great prizes.
We’re getting down to the business end, but it’s not too late to get on board. This is where we are at so far:
Challenge One: Energy
Challenge Two: Know your pain
Challenge Three: Take the reins
Challenge Four: Radical Honesty
Challenge Five: Connection
Challenge Six: Receiving
Challenge Seven: LOCKED
Challenge Eight: LOCKED
So today, I wanted to look at the often-overlooked art of receiving.
The Australia Day holiday is coming up. It’s a good time to reflect on our capacity to receive – rest, nourishment, anything.
It is actually an art. It’s a skill that we need to practice. I think we start out pretty good, as children. But as we grow up, we lose the knack.
In many ways, growing up itself is learning how to give more than we receive.
And why are children so good at receiving? I think it is because they are ok with being vulnerable. They are little. They don’t have fire-arms. Vulnerability is their natural state.
When we receive, we are put in a vulnerable state. Power lies with the giver. They are the one with the gift. They are the one orchestrating the transaction.
And so as we become adults and no longer have the luxury of wallowing in helplessness, we turn away from vulnerability. It’s something we run from.
As a result, we become givers. We feel powerful when we are giving, and we find it difficult to withstand the vulnerability required to receive.
We cannot ‘tolerate’ it. It’s why so many of us just suck at receiving.
But receiving is a very important skill. I mean, think about your vision for where your life is going. Doesn’t it involve receiving a passive income stream from your investments, receiving love and affection from your family, receiving a Long Island Ice Tea from the pool boy?
Doesn’t the ultimate realisation of your vision involve a lot of receiving? So when are you going to practice that? You’re not just going to magically get better at it once you’ve made your money.
And what does the universe make of someone who is always pushing away opportunities to receive? What message is that sending?
So we need to practice the art of receiving. And to do that, we must practice the art of standing in our vulnerability.
So this is your challenge for today.
Place yourself in a situation of receiving. Ask your wife for a foot rub, ask your friend for a compliment, as the trolley boy to carry your shopping, ask your children to make dinner. It doesn’t matter, just find one thing that puts you squarely in the receivers seat.
Tell us what it is…
And do it.
And when you do it, treat it as an act of endurance. It’s like running a marathon, or jumping in an ice bath, or sitting in a super-hot sauna. But just notice how it draws on your inner resources just to be able to tolerate it.
Notice how we all have to learn to tolerate love, tolerate affection, tolerate care… as ridiculous as that sounds.
And maybe commit to building up your tolerance levels this year.
So that’s it. That’s the challenge for the week. Hit up the blog and let us know:
What are you going to do this week to practice the art of receiving? Just one thing. (And if you can’t think of one act of pure receiving, what does that say about your life?) How long were you able to ‘endure’ it?
And here’s hoping you’re open to receiving everything you deserve this year.
Jon
Ps – Hit us up in the comments of down below for this challenge, while –This link will take you to the previous challenges. It’s not too late to have the best year ever.
sue says
I am going to ask for a foot bath and rub tonight.
Interesting
Edwirn says
Basically never received much all my life, been the give. However, been fortunate to have been at the right place at the right time on more than one occasion in my life.
Lucky to have a partner who is caring enough to give me a good old fashion pampering, will see how I react to that.
Aaron says
I’m going to ask my boys to wash my car….for free!
Would like to have asked my wife to cook her seafood paella as she is a fantastic cook, but unfortunately she has to work on Saturday, so i might leave this for another day.
Mario says
I’ve asked my wife to go down the rad and buy milk and make me a nice cappuccino.
Tony (kiwi) says
I receive a meal,cooked to perfection every night.If I want something cooked,my partner is very willing to do it.
Andrew Grotherr says
As I’m going to the Gabba Test match on Sunday and have been organising this boys trip for last 20 years, I’m hkib5to ask the boys to shout me beers for the first session…
Gotta feel good about receiving free beer…! ?
Heather Wilson says
My husband made lunch yesterday and l was pleasantly surprised.
So l will ask for this again as l felt like l should be doing it for him.
But today l shall note the feelings of love and caring.
Malcolm Gibson says
I’m going to ask my 2 boys for a complement and a good deed. Boys often just want and do nothing for it. Not saying there is a loaded request however I am aiming for them to have some degree of appreciation.
Reece Wenzel says
I will ask my house mate to make me dinner tonight. I am usually the one who goes out of my way to make dinner for them. Looking forward to having someone else look after me!! WOW. That easy!!
Stephen Bathgate says
I am going to ask my wife to drive on Australia Day as I always drive when we go out.
Gary B says
I have asked my wife to make an apricot nectar fruit cake. Its been a long time since she’s done that and she pretty much makes the best one in the world. Purely indulgent but thankyou. Still great. 🙂
CHRISTINE WHEELER says
Today my son made breakfast for everyone and my self so l will ask for some one to help carry things to the beach which l would n ok really be the pack horse
Susana says
How many of us find it uncomfortable to receive? A gift? A compliment? A friend offering to pay? I know I do. We can practice gratitude for the things that come our way, but that doesn’t always help us feel less overwhelmed or less awkward in that moment of receiving. Yet here are the Sufis telling us that if we want to live a life of love, it’s imperative that we get to know what it means to receive—to stop resisting.
This week I’m going to be more welcoming to compliments, such as answering truthfully about how I am, etc. To let my boss know that I’m available for work.
Louise says
I am often praised for caring for dad. at first I would knock the praise down as something that anyone would do or shush people. It was pointed out to me how rare this type of care is. I now thank people that compliment me on my work, receive them gratefully.
Andres says
I have received the love everyday at home, my daughter is waiting for me to offer her huge and kisses, then i sit down and my wife always has a dinner ready, if she works she will prepare a dinner for us before she go for work, So I am so lucky to receive a lot of compliments and love from my lovely family. Obviously i receive compliments for my efforts in the renovation that we are carry on right now.
Kris Anderson says
I ask my wife for a massage all the time, and she ended up buying me a massage chair 🙁
Meg Hogan says
I ask my partner for a foot rub most nights and he is lovely to obligue.
I do faulter at asking for money and will try to be more assertive without guilt in this area.
Sally says
I’m ging to ask if hubby can go to the post office to pick up my parcels and get milk and something for dinner while he is there. Dinner is supposed to me my job but tonight it would be awesome if he could take care of it and get my parcels while he’s at it- I’ve been out twice already today and am about to do a third trip out, so going in the opposite direction isn’t part of my plan!
Mal Barrett says
I like to give to others but as I sit here thinking about receiving I realise that it is probably pride that stops me from being an effective receiver. I am going to put the receiving vibe out to the universe this week – will be interesting to see what it throws back.
Tom says
I’m going to ask my daughter for a shoulder rub. She’s only four and it’s completely useless, but I still find it challenging to sit there and take in her affection.
tammy says
i’m asking my partner for a foot massages. for 1 hour thankyou! can’t wait. ah amazing, i can feel it already.
Timbo says
I am leaving town soon. I’ve sorted out the lease. Now have to get rid of my gear and get the place cleaned. There will probably be a couple of days when I will need accommodation before heading out of Dodge. Being independent, I figured I’d grab an AirBnB for that time, but a mate has offered to let me stay at his place if I need it. Mentally, I baulked at this, but I’ll accept your challenge, Jon, by accepting his offer. Just the thought of that makes me feel vulnerable.
Adam Stone says
I have a milestone birthday party coming up over the long weekend with over 100 of my closest friends. So I guess that means I don’t mind the attention, however I don’t generally seek it. In response to this challenge, I will consciously embrace the attention and in particular, I will gratefully accept any gifts, which is the part I always find a little overwhelming.
Drew Andrea says
I just did it! I was sitting here with a sore back wanting a cup of tea but didn’t want to get up to go get one so I decided to ask my housemate. I asked her and she replied asking if I was serious. I said yep coz i’m sore. She jumped straight up and made me one. I think she even enjoyed making it for me. Wow, the cuppa tastes so much nicer being made for me.
I get it, sometimes people want to help back.
Scott says
I’m going to ask my wife for a massage tonight, I’m going to enjoy it, I know she would give me one but at times I try and make her life easier as well, I will enjoy this massage tonight
fiona says
I have been working on this for years – I now look people in the eye and thank them when they give me a compliment it was hard thing to do but once you master this it’s a powerful tool for your self worth.
Still need work on asking people for help – Think l will ask my son to cook dinner tonight 😉 looks like we will be having take away!
Michael Cain says
I have always had difficulty accepting compliments. I receive them sheepishly, or embarrassingly. Who could possibly value and thank me for whatever it is that I did?
For this challenge, I would feel even more uncomfortable in asking for compliments, so I think I will commit it to my mindset to be ready for when it does happen, and purposely accept it graciously and with the intent the sender has intended.
Jen says
I asked my friend to scan some reports for me on Friday night and she v kindly did!
Felicity says
Wow, you hit a really major issue for me. Always giving, even when people are taking advantage of me. I am really working on learning to receive. So today, a client of my daughter’s pulled out less than 24 hours before a coaching session. She offered to pay, and normally I’d have said it was fine and not charged her. But having read your blog not long beforehand, I thought, wait! This is my opportunity to receive. So I sent her an invoice, thanking her for the notice and saying I looked forward to booking her in again when she was ready. She’s already paid. Woohoo!
Bratislav says
My boys give some money for the rent and I always thank them and take it gracefully. But it was not like that initially. It took me some time to accept it.
Hirotaka Yoshida says
Yes, I know I am terrible at this. I realised this from several self-help books. Especially, when big opportunities come to me, I subconsciously refuse or be very reluctant. I feel that there’s invisible something in front of me and I literally freeze and spoil them. I’ll take any opportunities, invitations or even small compliments come to me with deep gratitude from now on.
Matt Lee says
I’m asking my wife for massage when I get home from the gym.
She will cause she loves me and I won’t feel bad because I deserve it.
Barbara says
Hello Jon! I really appreciate this series you are sharing….it’s making me think! Ha Ha! I was someone who always gave to others. When I was divorced over 14 years ago, I went into a downward spiral, put on weight, and generally put on a brave face as well! I was down and out. All of our businesses had been sold and I had no source of income. Yet, I had to come to this place to appreciate what I had had before, and how I had achieved it as well. From where I now was, on my own, I HAD to learn to receive….to accept help….and to ask for it as well when I really needed tp….and I learnt. Now when someone even proffers me a compliment, I don’t just flip that remark away, I accept it…deep within….and I use that to positively motivate me and to help me move ever forward. It has been an experience, but it has also been valuable. We are not alone….we just need to ask, and receive….and believe that we deserve it! Thanks again, all is well in my world! Hugs, Barbara xxxx
renata says
im going to ask my man to surprise me with something nice like give me a flower without a reason. he hasnt done it for soooooooo long that even thinking about it makes me feel uncomfortable but great at the same time.
Simon says
I’m going to ask my wife to drive us to the airport so that I can watch the football uninterrupted.
She’s a great person so no doubt she will oblige.
Chris says
My goal for this year is to establish my own Property Development company. To ensure the success of this business I have just asked a friend of mine who has a skillset that complements mine to be a partner in getting this up and running. Such a big ask for someone that often does not ask much of others as I do not want to seem like I am being an inconvenience to them.
Noel Franks says
Receiving,
Yes I find it hard to receive I would prefer to help my kids paint the house or look after the grandchildren. I have a birthday coming up . The family want to recognise the day with presents and family party which I don’t enjoy. Not one for centre of attention. But as I’m committed to this challenge I will allow them to organise the day for me.
Andrew says
I’m going to ask and receive payment for a job that I thought Id just do for someone for nothing.
michael johnson says
I was unable to attend a 1 day event where i had paid extra for vip material. Was going to let it go but decided to ask for the material to be sent to me as i was unable to make the event. They replied and said no problem we can refund you or send the material!
Eug says
I worked from home today but due to limited access to the company’s network, I asked one of my colleagues to do multiple favours for me such as updating my timesheet and running a meeting. It certainly does feel like I had to step out of my comfort-zone asking for things which I would normally take care of myself, as mundane as they may be.
Matt P says
I am going to request a 5 minute neck massage from my partner every night for this week. Let’s see how long I can endure before she turns around and says “now you owe me 10 minutes” :P.
Peter Gron says
I don’t think I have a problem with receiving. I think it’s more a case of I don’t ask for much and nobody offers to give.
So, for me it’s about asking – and I’ve done it.
Based on Challenge #5, I know I need a team so I’ve put it out there in the ILRE community to join or create a team. Let’s see what comes back
Claire says
I am going to ask my husband to cook for me. I currently take care of most of the domestic duties instead of them being a shared responsibility. He is an excellent cook, so I will take notice of the love and gratitude for the food he produces
Pete says
I’ll be changing jobs soon, and was going to request no farewell party from my old workplace as I’d be embarrassed by all the fuss. However, as a result of this challenge, I’ll just let events unfold as they may, and my colleagues can farewell me as they see fit… let’s get this party started!
Gil says
I really struggle with asking for help. After separating from my husband 5 years ago I found it hard to ask for any kind of help so found that I needed to be able to do everything for myself. I bought myself a lawnmower (thinking I could do this – never having touched a lawnmower before) and all went well until I ran out of fuel and could not get it started again (even after reading the instructions) so I sat on my front step and cried. I admitted defeat and called Jim’s Mowing and I had great pleasure in paying that $60 every three weeks so I could have a nice garden. Fast forward five years and I now have my new partner’s son living with us and I would like to have him do the lawns for us. I will step outside my comfort zone (and open for rejection) and ask him to do something that would be nice for all of us. Wish me luck 🙂
Steve says
Yesterday my partner bought us both breakfast after a lovely riverside walk. She asked me what I wanted, however I didn’t receive the meal I asked for although it was similar.. True to who I have been, I just accepted the less than desired meal rather than asking the waitress to make what I truly wanted. I know this is a slightly different topic about avoiding confrontation which has been a part of my life for as long as I remember. but it came up for me so I will make sure that next time I stand up for myself .
Back on topic, I just asked my partner to drive today on our road trip down to Margaret River. I am normally the driver but today I wanted to be able to relax and see the sights. My request was graciously accepted and I am thankful for stepping out of my comfort zone, albeit in a small way. and looking forward to riding shotgun for the day.
Eldon Stevenson says
Since high school (many years ago!) I’ve sung publicly many times and people often complement my voice. I learned to simply accept the compliment and say “I’m glad you enjoyed that.” So receiving compliments graciously and without embarrassment? No worries.
But when it comes to asking anyone other than my wife for a favour to help to me do things that I have on my agenda, well that’s a different story! In trying to analyse why that is, I think it comes down to wanting to control the quality of the outcome and not trusting others to do the job as I would like it to be done. Right now I’m seriously struggling to even think of who I could/would ask to help me and which task I would consider asking help for. Needs further reflection I think…..
Glenn Adams says
I will ask my wife for a neck and back massage.
Ian Martin says
This is a tough one for me….I have always been the one that puts others first… If someone asks for help, im the first one there…. And even now, im still help as many people as I can, and I still don’t ask for help……..
However, I have just recently asked within the last week, asked another member of the community for help…..This was hard for me, but I did gratefully accept his sincere acceptance of my request…
This is hard for me and I assume others to do… But I will endeavour to believe that I am deserving of help when needed…
Marcos Serrano says
Nice.
I’ve just asked my parents to look after the kids for a hour or two while my wife has a sleep and I get a massage. We’ve got a newborn and I was in hospital for a couple of weeks so we’ve had a bit of opportunity to reflect on feeling vulnerable recently. Yeah it’s hard!
Daniel says
I am going to request an advance partial payment to one of my clients. It will help me with cash flow this week and will also help me realise that maybe my payment plan system could be modified so I can collect money during the process and not until the job is completed.
Benny says
I asked my 10y.o daughter for a hug tonight, not in return for anything, just an opportunity for her to say ‘thanks for everything Dad’. And she did. Not only did I get one, but she made me feel vulnerable by telling me she loved me and that she didn’t get to hug me enough. Sweet, but it made me feel like I need to give her more… not the material things that I always think will make her happy, but just fatherly love.
Victoria Mizzi says
I found this hard to engineer, as my husband already gives me back and foot rubs, and loves when I suggest something. So I had to think outside my household, and chose an event happening Sunday to practice this.
Sunday we were attending a lunch catch up for a volunteer event crew that had been crewing together for several years. During 2 day weekend events part of my role was to feed the crew, all vegan organic, although my husband and I and one other lady are not even vegetarian. I always did this with love, a natural spill over from a life of loving to feed people and nurture them.
Usually when we are out with other people I over order to be able to share with the table, so Sunday when someone was ordering something I had been considering, I asked if I could try a little of hers. She was delighted to share, as was someone else who offered another dish. I accepted consciously and gracefully, and really felt good.
You are right, people love to give, and if we always give, then we rob others of their joy in giving. I enjoyed being cared for, and will look for more opportunities to include it in my life.
Patricia says
I am a single mum and will ask my 13 year old son to help out with one or two chores on a regular basis. In the past I have felt guilty as he is only 13 and has homework etc to deal with. However, I believe he will not magically wake up one day when he is older and be disciplined into doing these things for himself, rather that he has to learn to do these things while he is growing up. So as soon as he goes back to not doing them I give in and let it go. But that is not good for either of us. So this week we will sit down and talk about it and write out his responsibilities and I will clarify a consequence for not doing them each week I.E: phone being taken away for the evening. Receiving his contributions to the household chores is hard enough without feeling guilty – but nowhere near as hard as following through with the consequences if he doesn’t do them. Hope that’s not flipping the challenge on it’s head in a negative way!
Jody Chambers says
I’m going to ask an old Lebanese friend of mine to share some of his cultural knowledge with me.
JOHN says
Helping friends out with a one off request or something on a regular basis is what I enjoy doing.
Just a simple ‘ Thanks for doing that for me’ is my enjoyment of receiving. I do find asking for help from friends a bit difficult. Asking for business assistance is easy.
Brett says
My wife does massage therapy for a living so when she offers to massage me I normally say no because shes doing throughout the day. But I accepted her offer this time
It was so good so I’m glad I accepted this challenge
Mike Day says
I asked a friend to have my daughter for a night next week so I could do something I wanted.
David says
I generally don’t struggle with receiving. Recently I had to approach Anglicare for assistance due to financial hardship.
Jim says
I tend to lend my ute to friends & family for if they need it to move stuff or to pick up something too big for their car.
So I will be asking for fuel money and Receive a bit peace financially, and probably a few less people wanting to borrow my ute 🙂
Eva says
Both my adult children have recently moved back into my home – and brought their furry pets with them (both have kelpie dogs). I too have a dog but she is a non-shedding Spoodle. So my house has become a dog hair haven so I am going to ask that one child needs to vacuum every second day!
Al says
I received a nice bottle of red from my best mate when i visited him. He wouldn’t let me open it there promptly opened another. The bottle in question was a house-warming gift. As usual, i felt a bit guilty accepting it, so told him he’ll have to come over and help drink it!
stephen Booker says
I have started asking my partner to assist me in my work tasks..those things that seriously take time away from me getting the big stuff done. Sometimes she says in your dreams but lately I think she has realised that in giving she receives .. and in receiving from her I am acknowledging that she does give (from time time).
I find it really difficult to ask for help. But when I do, I appreciate the help. I am coming to realise (after 63 years) that people generally aren’t mind readers and you do have to ask, if you want something.
Nathalie Sarlin says
I asked my husband to cook dinner because I’m always the cook and I often have to manage alone with the kids while he travels for work. He did it and cleaned up after. A yummy dinner too.
David Brown says
If it wasn’t for a friend of Liz, I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this or reading all the material how to invest in I Love Real Estate or attending the training program.
One of the most enjoyable things that I received was from my brother a few years back (birthday big 60) of our father service records with his medals.
Or the other gift from my sister, that I used with Liz to enjoy her birthday.
Last 18 months I was building a shed only 16 x 12 double Barn style So that we can stop paying Rent.
I asked my son for help, only a few time did he offer, which was great, Liz brother-in-law when out of his way to help when she asked,
I always ask anyone who I see trying to go outside the normal or thinking they can do IT!. Or a are you OK, to the elder person, they always love a quiet talk. To receive or to give must be me?
Andrew Marcos says
I am going to ask my kids to help out at home and at work, they are more than capable and will be a great help.
Chas says
I’ll ask the Mrs for an extra back rub tonight!
Carolyn says
i am in that vulnerable state at present. i don’t have a regular income so I have had to ask my partner to cover costs on some things recently. absolutely hated it because it will be thrown back at me later. am so stuck in a rut that i feel i can’t escape.
i will ask my daughter to start looking after her daily schools needs so that it gives her more responsibility for her own belongings and she can;t blame me when things are missing.
well it’s a start.
Debra Maloney says
I asked my Husband if he can build me another Aviary so I can get more Parrots
Paul Smith says
Im going to ask my wife to wash the cars and mow the lawn and see how that pans out for me?
Rodger says
Im in the process of turning a site shed into a 2 bedroom house with a much larger floor area, to live in, on the farm my daughter & son-in-law have. So I can be around to help them out when the new bub comes in March, they’ll have 4 kids with 2 under 2!!
To make this happen I need to have some farm stuff moved, until that happens I’m at their mercy!
I have made the request to have the gear moved so i can continue the work, lets see how this works out!!
Carolyn says
This is definitely on my list to work on and improve, I find it especially difficult outside of family members. Ok time to take deep breath and here goes – asking an old friend today to share his knowledge on building a concrete slab.
Lisa says
Ask my partner to take me to my favourite restaurant (not a fave of his)
Elle says
Asked for and received help from a friend when I would have undertaken all the evening work by myself- turned into a great sharing experience for us both.
Damian Phillips says
I am going to practice tolerance to love and affection,
Gilles says
Almost everyday my girlfriend is cooking me diner and I am pretty grateful. Sometimes I ask for my favourite dishes without some healthy modifications and it’s pretty awesome.
Susanne kendall says
I am going to ask my daughter to unpack the dishwasher. Normally dont ask the kids to do much but this is not helping anybody.
Peter says
It’s one thing to receive. It’s another thing to have to ‘ask for it’. Two different equations.
HP says
Asked my other half to make me breakfast
Jennifer says
I am terrible at receiving praise for my children. If they are ever complimented I am always quick to say something that they are not good at as I don’t want to be that parent who appears to think their kids are better then everyone elses. It is a bad habit and totally necessary. From now on if anyone praises something my children do or say I will accept the praise openly and not counter it with a negative.
Jennifer says
*unnecessary
Belinda says
Ok Jon, so I found this one to be the hardest yet (which is why I procrastinated my response for a few days!) It turns out I’m not very good at receiving when I don’t feel I have genuinely earned the gift. But that’s the point of a gift, right??!!!
So I spent a day musing on your challenge (read…procrastinating) and the universe approached me…as so often happens. I was at the bar with a new acquaintance with whom it’s likely I will soon do business. ‘My round’ he says and I ask for a rose champagne that I could see was reasonably priced. The bar was out but they had a premium version at $43 a glass. I changed my order and explained that I couldn’t justify that expense on his account – he smiled and said it didn’t bother him. I realized the universe gave me this moment to challenge me, so I accepted the sparkly rose with grace and appreciated every drop.
Belinda says
I’ve been forced through poor health the last 10 years and only working 3 days/week the last 18 months to graciously accept free rent and bills on and off the last 10 years from my parents. I’m not comfortable with it but have had no choice and we have a semi win/win arrangement. I feel that since joining 3 courses with Knowledge Source last year that I now have a vehicle to get back on my feet and support myself. I’m still yet to put my new knowledge into action that has financial rewards but feel closer every day. Because of being in the position I am, I’m terrible at receiving or asking for anything else because so much guilt is attached to my daily living arrangements. On Australia day I went to a friends house for lunch and took a cheese plate that was so substantial we never got to eating the lunch I had gone over for. Opps, fail!
Braden Wright says
I will ask for help from my wife to help me with cleaning! My wife is the cook and I am the cleaner of the house. But I would love some more help with keeping the house clean and tidy!!
I am a very hard worker and won’t give up until it’s done. I will ask for some help to get some things done this week!
Marija Barclay says
I have never been a great giver or receiver, but especially receiver. I always thought it was because I often don’t like gifts I have received, but perhaps its due to feelings of self worth. I had an interesting experience this morning where I spoke to someone over the phone who I have never met and who gave me a lot of great free advice. I immediately felt guilty and wanted to buy her a thank you gift. She of course said no, but I feel guilty about it. I am going to post on FB and see what happens.
Jeni says
I asked my more experienced Buddy for advice and got a lot more – examples for how to structure what I was struggling with. He was fantastic. Thankyou for this challenge Jon – I would still be struggling away now without it
Josh says
I help run a small volunteering arm and I often need/would love a hand preparing the bags that we hand out each week but barely ever seek support with this even though there are so many people who offer to help. I know getting/receiving help from time to time would keep me extra fired up for it but I maybe feel like I should be responsible for it all the time. Ha, go figure hey, why not share the joys of giving while receiving (light bulb).
Sandie says
Thanks Jon. I realise that I am a giver, a career, a doer. I always make sure that everything is done, ready, whatever is required. When people offer to help, I often thank them but decline. Then I think to myself that I should have accepted that offer of help. As you say, receiving is a challenge.
I am going to ask my husband to help me cook dinner tomorrow night. We will cook together, which I always really enjoy and appreciate sharing that time with him.
Gav says
I have asked my wife to do a small admin task for me – she loves to do this as I rarely ask – I will look for something bigger and ask
Carlijn says
Oh, this is a difficult one! Yes, I actually ask for help a lot; being a younger child in the family makes you look upon your older siblings as semi-parents who know and do everything better! I ask for “easy” help, like help with the garden, with a paint-job, all these practical things. But I’ve never been able to ask for help, real help with money. If the subject (like money) scares me and makes me feel a complete idiot, I don’t have the guts to “burden” someone else with it. But I do now. I have accepted that I am in charge of my own destiny, but the path to it involves asking for help a lot. It’s normal, it’s accepted, but it’s not easy. I am learning to ask for help now with serious issues. I am learning to ask people; How do you deal with this issue? How do you manage your finances; all on your own? With some help? Who is helping you? Would you mind helping me?
On simple things I can ask my husband to do something nice for me like preparing a nice bath.
But yes; in short; I have had no difficulty asking for practical help on certain things, but when it comes to asking for a nice treat or real help with a very serious issue, I still have to learn a lot…..This has been by far the most illuminating challenge; thank you!
Jeen says
You are right, Jon – until recently, I suck at receiving. Even the simple act of asking children to help around the house, I suck big time. Why – I think I asked without conviction, with guilt, without feeling that I am worthy of anyone’s help. And when I received what I had asked for, I received with the same lack of conviction, same guilt, and same unworthiness. But in more recent times, where I am practicing mindfulness, more meditation, I am learning to put myself first, to love myself most, to be more ‘in-the-present’ – I find that the energy of asking and receiving has shifted from the negative to the positive. The act of asking and receiving is almost joyous, pleasurable, expected and appreciated. I still can’t quite comprehend how everything changes by just shifting your mindset. It’s not always easy, but I’m getting there…
april kohlmann says
Sometimes others help us out and to us it is such a small thing that it goes unnoticed. I am being more aware of all the small things (and the Bigger) and thanking everyone for anything that is done for me or said to me so that these things can be acknowledged and the receiving can take place.
Jarrod Riley says
I asked my sister in law to pick up the kids from school. Boom done!
Ad says
Ask my kids to assist with the massive gardening load for the front and back yard. I need to be able to tolerate receiving assistance from my kids
Jane says
I eventually asked a work colleague to format a presentation for me. It turned out a win win ( she was so pleased to do it & I was grateful to have it done).
Jane says
I asked my husband to research and book the accommodation and make the plans for a weekend away with friends from interstate who basically left it up to us to do everything, while giving no guidance re desired activity, destination or budget. He did it, I would normally jump in and do that kind of thing; I’m good at it, they were my friends, etc. But this time I felt really put out by it; I was pressed for time, pissed off that they just expected us to organise it and that we would want to do it and have the money to do it… If I had have continued doing the organisation I know I would have felt resentful, which is not how I wanted to spend time with these dear friends, so by asking my hubby to do it, he was able to plan everything without my angst being involved so it was better for everyone. And we all had a great time.
Phil Pollard says
My daughter offered to pay for lunch (she always offers) and I accepted … the first time in 34 years.
It was liberating … for both of us
Mark Gardner says
I must admit I usually do everything myself and now I’m grateful and share this same thing with my daughter as I asked her to get my drink last week now she politely goes and gets me a drink of water or soft drink and such a pleasant surprise to come home and now she offers me crackers and dip .
Sondra Bellert says
I’m going to ask my partner to make us green smoothies one day next week. I usually make us veggie juices or green smoothies every week day. I value juicing and blending more than he does and so if I don’t make them, it doesn’t happen.
steph says
I SUCK at recieving
Because i’m coming in at the midnight hour i’ll share something I recently did – as I said earlier I just packed down our life in Australia to move to NZ. I have a friend waho knows me all to well and offered to come help. Of course I said ‘no i’ll be ok’ but becuase she knows me well she turned up and began to help pack and clean and told me I need to receive help….
So I said to myself ‘get over yourself Stephanie, it’s pride, just take the help.” and I did. She came for a number of days and saved my life and I’m so grateful.
Sheila Dohnt says
We have great neighbors and they ususally come to our home for BBQ and drinks – many years.
on Australia day they decided to cook a roast each and bring it to our house to share which was a very nice not to have to do the cooking.
THERESIA JORDANS says
I have great difficulty in asking for help, partly because of pride, and partly because of fear of rejection. I have recently applied for assistance from Council to clean my house as I have let it go worse than ever before – looks like a hoarder lives here. This has been due to ‘can’t-be-bothered-itis’ from lethargy, fatigue and depression resulting from having to quit work due to a heart condition but also due to financial quagmire. There is someone coming on Tuesday AND on Wednesday!
With regard to my financial quagmire, I have been receiving ‘assistance’ from someone over a long period of months only to find out today that I have been getting ‘help’ from a ‘con artist’! This of course was a big blow. I have asked for ‘input’ from someone whose company referred him to me when I warned them about hi today. Asking for input was too wish washy and I will therefore ask in plain English for their help to sort out or advise me on what to do about it. Apart from their needing to know about his activities, I feel it is only right that they help me as they not only referred him, but when I asked about him some time ago, they replied that they could find nothing detrimental about him. The first time they were non-committal but the second time more specific that he was ok. Wish me luck.
Lisa D says
I have asked my daughter for help to clear the carport drains as it was too hard for me to get the grates off by myself….. and she is doing it!!! YAY!!! Now for the gutters…
Kunal says
I asked my partner to give me a good back message. She did that really well but after 10 mins I felt like she must be tired and I should stop her, although It was feeling great
Donna says
I asked for and received a back and shoulder rub from my partner two nights ago. I could barely turn my neck… haha.
Reciprocated with a foot rub. Does that count?
David Thorpe says
I asked each of my kids to cook dinner one night this week.
Jodi Taylor says
Today I will ask my x to come help me at work and I have stayed up all night reading these challenges. I’m tired.. I know he will help , but normally I wouldn’t ask him to as I do find it hard to ask for help.
Kelli Readon says
more and more I am asking my husband for help – instead of thinking I have to do everything myself so that it is done ‘the right way’
William Gilfillan says
Power Challenge 6: Receiving: Reflect on the capacity to receive – rest, nourishment.
Receiving is a very important skill. Your challenge #6 is to ‘place yourself in a situation of receiving’ … It doesn’t matter what the situation is:
I am often put in the situation of receiving, not by choice but because I have trouble walking & get in pain daily, so have little income from no work. I depend on getting help sometimes from others, so although it is difficult, I ask for help. Christmas is an awkward time when I am given gifts but cannot afford to reciprocate in kind. However, I always make sure that I thank those helping me, which is extremely important.
Bianca says
Ooohhh. Massage. I’m going to ask my husband for a shoulder massage. They feel sore and tight. Yay! 😀
Corrine gough says
I’ll ask my son to cook the bbq today .i always do it normally then I’ll ask my husband to pour me a drink ??
Deb says
I was asked to do an extra shift at work so I asked if I could finish early to get to a prior commitment and they agreed – win/win.
maree says
I think this is another hard one! I love being able to gift things/time/ etc but asking for something is difficult. I asked my nephew to take plates to the kitchen and make a ‘doggy bag’ of leftovers. Apart from being told “he wasn’t a waiter!” he did do this with reasonable grace. I endured. the comment. Not a comfortable task. Will need to practise this more.
Gina Scriven says
Wow I must have known these were going to be the challenges because at the beginning of this year I have been conscioously working on receiving each and every day so that I become a better receiver.
I cant seem to pick one, I guess what stands out for my was when I got home from a hard day of gardening and the boys ran me a hot bath, got me a drink and something to eat and made sure I was enjoying my soak. I greatly received it because they gave it so willingly. I am so blessed
tristan says
OK, something very simple I did this morning but was uncomfortable in asking for it nonetheless. After dropping my girls off at school, I asked a woman to open a gate for me. Sure, I was carrying my son, but I was more than capable of getting that gate myself. I expected her to give me a funny look, perhaps even say no. To my surprise, she willingly opened the gate for me with a smile. I honestly felt sheepish as I walked through the gateway, yet grateful and comforted at the same time. Its amazing, the power of a smile sometimes, I guess.
Jacki says
I’m going to ask my new neighbour for help moving a desk! Doesnt sound like much but it actually is. I’m VERY independent.
Vera says
As a single mum, sometimes you don’t want to admit that you need a hand. I asked my bf to help look after my daughter early in a morning so I could make it on time to an early shift (school care wasn’t open at this time). My friend said – yes 🙂
Karen says
Hi Jon
First I’m receiving your generous offer to post this late comment, ages after your original blog. I forgot to do it at the time. I guess that says a lot about me not being comfortable with receiving. So I’m going to be willing to receive help from colleagues at work. It’s difficult for me to do this. It feels like if I need help then that makes me deficient in some way. This is quite a challenge!
Graham Cooper says
Well I must say….the greatest gift that I have received is my Wife !
We met on a blind date 42 years ago…and we are still together.
I received her at a time in my life when my world had collapsed and I was quite down.
She is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.
she is generous beyond belief, compassionate, loving, understanding, stubborn, gifted, artistic, an amazing communicator and people person.
When I need a reality check on my own short comings, I simple look at my wife to remind me of all that I can be in this life…I am truly blessed.
I have previously found it difficult at time to “receive”…but I have a great mentor !
Richard says
I find it hard to receive gifts or compliments, but thinking back we bought one of or daughters a mincer and she makes the wickedest hamburgers. I think I’ll invite her over to make some for us
Had our neighbour over last night and he complimented me on my latest painting that was nice. but I still felt a little awkward.
J says
Yes – There is an art to receiving especially if you are particularly independent. Being gracious enough to accept the offered help or gift with thanks and appreciation is important. You are allowing that other person to experience the naturally good feelings that come with the action.
To genuinely ask for something that you need help with is probably the hardest thing to do – so make sure it is wanted and needed – and not just a frivolous action to see if you can make someone do something for you.
Danielle Kelly says
I will ask my partner to look after the baby this afternoon so I can take a nap!
Nathan says
A friend has recently starting making smoothies, and I would like to start. I’m going to ask him to show me what he does (maybe even make a video?)
Inna says
I will ask my husband to cook lunch this weekend and have it on our backyard together without rushing anywhere… Interesting, is it really possible…
Adriana says
I will ask my son to vacuum the house!!
Marie says
It’s friday and I’ve had a massive few weeks at work and I really feel like a massage but I really don’t have the money for it. I’m going to ask my beautiful husband to give me a massage tonight! Luv this challenge!!
ALISON says
I have been working on this for some time also. Finally I realized you should gracefully accept compliments and not push them away. I was always the giver and doer in my marriage (widowed) and now my new fiancée has taught me to let him do things and share the load. At first instinctively I did everything but now I am learning to receive and I can tell you it feels wonderful!
ScottB says
Enjoy a proper home cooked meal and a shoulder/ neck massage.
It will be great to get pampered.
Brett says
Hmmm, better not disclose..
Melissa says
I’m a “I’ll do it myself” kind of girl and generally prefer it that way but I have a rather large workload at work so this week I asked a colleague to take on one of my tasks.
I have learnt to accept compliments and gifts, reasonably gracefully 🙂 but usually have a hard time asking anything of someone else… other than he Universe!