If you’re blame yourself, you only make it worse
Do things suck right now?
Are you stressed to the point of dysfunction? Are your relationships coming off the rails? Are you feeling like life is just a gruelling and meaningless sh!t-show? A misery matinée?
Are you feeling like you just can’t get ahead, and just can’t see anyway that you’re going to get ahead, or even just squeeze out a weekend for yourself?
I get it. Life is hard.
And the real tragedy is that people then go and blame themselves for feeling like this. They take it on. If they’re not able to keep up with the work load, they blame themselves for not having enough stamina and energy.
If they don’t have the time and space to make a relationship work, they think that they themselves are broken.
And if they can’t get clear of the stress for long enough to actually feel happy, they think they must have a chemical imbalance or something, and that they’re the only ones on the planet who haven’t got this whole game figured out.
Our misery is compounded by the idea that we’ve only got ourselves to blame.
But, maybe that’s not true.
Maybe you’re not to blame.
Maybe capitalism’s to blame..?
Maybe you should try blaming capitalism. I think it will make you feel a lot better.
Now, I’m not trying to get into a first year Uni d1ck-measuring contest here about whether capitalism is better than socialism.
I’m actually a huge fan of capitalism. I think it’s an amazing tool that’s done epic things for humanity in the last couple of hundred years.
And in the broad sweep of history, I think Milton Friedman is probably right when he says, “Capitalism is the worst possible system… with the exception of all the other systems we’ve ever tried.”
And I personally think that capitalism does a great job of incentivising economic activity, but governance… not so much.
But whatever. I don’t have a horse in this race.
But I do think it’s useful to acknowledge that the systems we have, haven’t been fully optimised for helping us live happy, healthy and meaningful lives.
Ha! That’s probably the understatement of the year.
The way things are – in the world as it is – these things are actually incredibly challenging.
It’s hard to find space to go deep with your kids and your partner when you’re working two jobs to pay rent.
You know, maybe your kids don’t have learning difficulties. Maybe you and the wife aren’t fundamentally incompatible. Maybe you’re just living in a time and in an age and in a system where you just don’t have space to give these things the time they actually need.
My only point is, go easy on yourself. Don’t make it all about you.
If you’re struggling to keep up and keep your head above water – to make everything work. That’s not about you.
Part of the blame (at least!) lies with this weird misery-matinee we’ve somehow created for ourselves.
I’m not saying settle here either. It’s a crazy-arse system, but there are always things you can do.
My only point is, don’t internalise it. Don’t ignore the context. Don’t make it all about you.
Try blaming others for a while. It might make you feel a lot better.