No B.S Friday: Stop asking the wine to make you happy.
Look, I don’t know how to say this. But I’ve got a message from the universe for you.
“Please stop calling.”
How do I say it? The universe is just getting a bit tired of your humbug.
And to be honest, you have been a bit needy lately.
You ask a lot.
I mean, I know, you have needs. That’s totally fine. We all do. Nothing wrong with that.
But you don’t have to put it all on the universe.
It’s not really fair.
So just stop it.
Stop asking the world to do things for you.
Stop asking your wine or your smoke to relax you.
Stop asking your holidays and those exotic beaches to rejuvenate you.
Stop asking the lotto to make you rich.
Stop asking your wife to turn you own and make you feel sensual.
Stop asking your kids to fill your heart with joy and give your life meaning.
The world just doesn’t want the responsibility. Have you seen what’s going on? It’s got enough of its plate already.
These are your needs so they are your responsibility.
If you want anything in this life, you have to make it happen yourself.
And so how does Uncle Jon’s Doctrine of Radical Responsibility work when it comes to happiness and intangible things like this?
How can I explain it? Maybe think of your inner life like a garden. You wouldn’t just ignore the garden and then complain that there’s no apple trees and no tomatoes growing there.
If you want apples you need to plant an apple tree. If you want veggies you need to pull weeds and water regularly.
You need to take responsibility for the garden as a whole.
And that’s something that I think most people just don’t get.
They’re waiting for lovely experiences to come along and make them happy. But the truth is that you can’t make a mind happy unless it has been carefully primed for happiness.
(I won’t go into the specifics of mental gardening here. I’ve covered it before. But it’s things like a Stoic acceptance of fate and a discipline of gratitude. Stuff like that.)
My point is, we put it all on the external world and all on things that happen ‘out there’.
We want things to come along and just give us the things and the experiences we want, while doing none of the work ourselves.
(It’d be so nice, wouldn’t it? But sorry, darling, that’s just not how it works.)
If we want anything in life, we have to take responsibility for it ourselves.
And that means there’s no one to ever blame but ourselves.
So take responsibility. Stop putting on the universe.
It’s tired of your sh:t.
JG.
Jonathan Gardner says
This stuff is sooo obvious, but it still needs to be said – a lot!
Love your work Jon.