Bad things happen to good people because you’re not a toddler.
So I was at a park the other day where they had a little train track for the kiddies. Very cute.
It just goes round and round in a circle, but if you’re 3 years old, you don’t mind. Looks like they thought it was the most exciting thing ever.
Anyway, I’m watching this little fellah riding around on the front locomotive. He’s really getting into it. You can see that in his mind, he’s totally in control of the train. He’s steering it this way and that. He’s making it go faster. He’s jumping over unicorns (or something. Who knows.)
It was cute. And I remember that space. It doesn’t matter that the train isn’t responding to you commands. It doesn’t matter that the train just goes round and round in a little circle no matter what you do.
In his mind he was driving a magic train and that was all that mattered.
In that moment I felt a little sorry for him. Sorry that one day he’ll grow up to be my age – when a simple joy like riding on a train will be totally boring.
Like, if I was to ride that train, after a while (like the 100th lap or something), I’d be totally over it. It’d actually be a kind of torture. Tied to a machine just going round and round and round.
For me to enjoy that experience, I’d really have to be in control. Not just in my mind, but in reality. I’d have to be able to steer it. Make it go faster or slower. Take it out of the playground and out on the open road.
(I’d also probably need a top-speed somewhere north of 180kph, but that’s my story.)
I’d also need there to be an element of real danger. I’d need to know that if I didn’t hit a jump with enough speed I might not make it. I’d need to know that if I took a corner too fast I might roll the whole train.
With danger comes excitement, but only if that danger is real, not just make-believe.
And with this thought, suddenly a whole bunch of crazy things made sense. Humans are constantly pushing the limits. Just look at the crazy tricks people are pulling in motorcycles these days.
It’s also why young men find speed addictive. When you’re starting out driving 40kph feels like its too fast. But it’s also exciting. As you get more and more experienced, you need a bigger hit of speed.
Anyway, I’m looking at this spectacle – a kid going round and round in a totally safe and pleasant way, and thinking, “Isn’t it funny that we’re designed to get bored of this?”
That we come to hate it.
The first lesson I take from it is the importance of building novelty and freshness into your life.
Even if you think you prefer routines and predictability. There’s something in here that the human psyche craves.
It’s like a friend of mine who’s elderly mum has dementia. She literally has no memories more than 5 minutes old. But he reckons there’s a big difference in her mood if she’s had an outdoor excursion earlier in the day, compared to being stuck at home all day.
Novelty just excites the human body and spirit.
But the other lesson I take from it is about why such horrible stuff goes on in the world, and happens to us as individuals.
I’m an optimistic kind of guy. I live by the motto that everything happens for a reason and I believe in radical responsibility.
And people often say to me, ‘well, if the cosmos is abundant and responsive to our desires, why did I get a flat tire this morning? And why did my IP get termites? And why does Aunty Joan have cancer?
I think the answer to that lies in our freedom, and the thrill that comes with knowing you can be hurt.
I mean, imagine the opposite. Imagine a world where no one ever got hurt, where nothing went wrong, and you were totally safe.
It’d be like riding a toddler’s train ride, around and around.
It’d be ‘nice’, but all the excitement would be sucked out of life.
For you to know the joy of your freedom, you need to be allowed to make mistakes. To know the thrill of living, you need to know the possibility of injury and death.
A kiddie ride life wouldn’t have any thrill. In fact, we’d probably think it was a torture. We’d invent a mythology about gods who hate us and want to give us a shit time…
… even if, pound for pound, it was a much more ‘pleasant’ life.
I would not sign up for a life that had no other qualities other than safe, predictable and pleasant.
So be grateful for the freedom you have. Be grateful for the pain and suffering that gives life its sweetness.
And don’t go complaining about how bad things happen to good people.
You’re not a toddler.
Would you trade freedom for more pleasantness?
Simon says
When a fire wiped me out, I lost both freedom and pleasantness,
I haven’t been able to sign my own lease, and every rent deal has involved rent plus a huge amount of free work, I’ve been serial homeless with a workshop of tools, because my debts add up to more than my life, I’m continually denied welfare, which is supposed to backstop self employed people with insufficient income, but I jump thru their hoops, then get a letter saying I didn’t supply them a form that I’ve supplied twice already, or some other nuance.
My friend got 30 G from the govt. when a foot of water went thru his house, I got a fine for not putting a tax return in, I was told I was in ‘the wrong fire’ to exempt me.
The govt. only helps house drug addicts and single mothers because they are considered high risk.
On my list of complaints it’s actually illegal to be homeless, it’s illegal to live in sheds, it’s illegal to camp on a lot of rural property, the owner might be fine with it, but the council will apply huge fines.
Alex says
Hi Simon, I read your story and unfortunately feel very much the same way. Male’s get little support. I am unable to gain any assistance even though I earn zero Income. Every possible positive turn creates eve further bigger set backs. I trust for both of us it turns much more positive. Because currently I really see no positive future. I sincerely trust your head is in a better place than my very dark place. If your close to Port Macquarie we may be able help each other ?
Davina says
I would be happy without the ‘thrill’ at the moment. My husband is a good man, a builder, and the sole income earner of our family. On Wednesday, a known criminal stole his work truck and all his tools. The police caught the thief, who had already stripped the truck bare, and is probably out on the streets again by now. The last time they let him out of jail was Tuesday. Where is the ‘sweetness’ in that? And, to add to the ‘excitement of life’, there is a loophole in the insurance that means our tools are not covered – all $25K+ worth, accumulated by hard work over the last 20 years. So, today, I would trade ‘freedom’ for even just a couple of minutes of ‘pleasantness’…
ron goddard says
freedom comes at a price. you have to fight for freedom because there is always some bugger wants to take it from you. nations defend their right to ‘freedom’, then enslave their people, with financial burdens like AU$500bn.oz debt. or in U.S. US$20 trillion. police and army keep citizens in check. they both work for the government. freedom? pleasantness? as i write this i am free. then i go out to the outside world. will i return? never give it a thought. cheers, ron
Tom says
Jon, thanks for the hint about ‘Radical Responsibility’. My Google bubble had not previously exposed me to the concept. Must look deeper into it. In many ways, we make our own luck – both good & not so good.
As for “everything happens for a reason”, this is a far more perplexing concept.
How much is preordained and how much is pure chance ( a matter solely of statistical probabilities, completely independent of previous happenings)? Even this latter concept of time is itself a tricky one when modern physics, bordering on the realms of metaphysics is hinting that the concept should be more like a ‘continuous present’.
As Prof. Brian Cox pointed out in a recent TV program, modern science has given us a new creation myth. It is up to us to develop a complete social structure in keeping with the best available understanding of our world, its origins and the nature of life on this wonderful planet. Part of this process will involve coming to terms, in all honesty, with preconceived ideas based on earlier creation myths.
It appears to me that as the human brain expanded and the human mind became self-aware, the concept of ’cause & effect’ became ever more involved in our thought patterns. But many forces of nature had no obvious ’cause’, but they needed to have a cause. (Modern science has since enlightened us about many of these causes.)
Therefore, there must be some hidden cause for things like storms and earthquakes etc. Thus the idea of ‘spirits’ evolved. These were of varying power, so there must be a hierarchy amongst these spirits. If the hidden forces had spirits controlling them, the more obvious forces should also have their controlling spirits.
Faced with mortality, humanity was uncomfortable with any concept of nothingness beyond death, so like the apparently eternal nature of the spirits of nature, humanity’s spirits were deemed to be similarly eternal – which obviously requires some form of afterlife.
Throughout the ages, in various regions of the world, stories of creation and their relevance to that community were evolved. By a quirk of history, we have inherited the traditional concepts of a tribe of nomads who happened to settle in the middle east, where the Roman empire interacted with them and made it possible to spread those concepts.
Our first Australians had their equally valid take on all things physical and metaphysical, but they did not rule the world – unfortunately for mankind. The religions derived from the Israelite creation myths have caused such a lot of wars and misery – all based on myths.
Security blankets are unfortunately so alluring.
Roger says
Davina, Simon and Alex. I am sorry to hear of your troubles, there are times in our lives when it appears as if the whole world is conspiring against us and that there is no fairness in life.
A few years ago I had an annus horribilis. It began with the death of my mother and whilst still grieving, my daughter in law developed breast cancer, then my business partner absconded with $450,000 which sent my business into liquidation. Shortly after that I had a heart attack.
Well there was no coming back for my mother, but my daughter in law had the necessary treatment for a double mastectomy and recently had surgery to replace her breasts. I started again in business and have had two profitable years of trading. I had a stent put in and I am now as healthy as I have ever been. It made me give up smoking which has had further positive influences on my life. Also since that horrible time I have been blessed with two beautiful granddaughters who have bought so much joy to my wife and myself.
I say all this just to try and help, whilst times are so hard currently for you, they will pass. Just keep plodding on, putting one foot in front of the other and hopefully in the near future you can look back at these tough times and smile at your own inner strength that got you through.
ron goddard says
hi simon and alex. when is the bottom really the bottom? of course the dice is loaded against men because womens’ lib. dominates the ‘corridors of power’. and suffragettes, womens libbers, lesbians, femenists etc. you name it are a gunnin’ for us. then we have ‘gay rights’ and same sex marriages on the agenda, and where is this all heading? down the proverbial toilet is where. western civilisation has completely lost the plot. the world over there is more strife, murders and general mayhem. bigger populations mean more shit. AND IT WON’T GO AWAY! high tech. this and that, robotics, over use of our land for crops etc, and here in ‘lotus land’ all is well or so it appears. our democratically elected politicians are always willing to send our troops off to some remote corner of the globe in the name of democracy(u.s.a. style) and most come back in a box covered in glory and a nice post humous medal. oh wonderful stuff. and the media tell us that the other mob are to blame. its always the russians fault or the islamics or jews or anybody really who isn’t orstalian! see ya