People overestimate the role circumstance plays in success. Successful people don’t wait for the perfect moment to do what they want to do. They enable themselves and make it happen – dealing with the daily grind like everybody else.
I was out for coffee the other day and one of my friends was talking about the last book she read. I don’t remember the details, but apparently it was great. Really great.
My friend was gushing into her latte about how this guy was such a great writer with so many incredible ideas, such a flair for language….
But then our other friend chimes in,
“Oh, yes. It must be nice. Just to sit around all day and think up nice things to write. I could probably write a best-seller if I didn’t have to work all day, put food on the table, chase after the kids – “
“Sit in cafes with your friends.” I said with a wink.
It reminds me of my friend who said the same thing about the Dalai Lama – how it’s easy for him to be so happy because all he has to do all day is sit around and meditate. He doesn’t have to hold down a day job.
(Never mind that a million people are looking to him for spiritual leadership!)
I think it’s common trap. People tend to downplay their own agency in life. People over-estimate the role circumstance played in great people’s lives and under-estimate the personal effort that it required.
Achieving anything is difficult. Good or bad. Like writing a book. There are huge obstacles that every writer has to overcome. There’s the discipline involved in putting pen to paper day after day. The challenge of making time in your busy life to actually get some writing done. The constant doubt and fear of failure. The endless knock-backs from publishers and pressure from your family to do something productive with your time…
That anyone can manage to get a book finished at all is a real feat. Whether it’s actually any good or not – that’s a whole other question. I think it’s why great books are so rare. If it was easy, everyone’d be doing it.
And it’s the same with achieving anything – learning a new skill, making music, building real wealth and financial freedom…
These things don’t happen because the stars align to make them easy. They happen in-spite of the challenges of life. Richard Branson isn’t who he is because he had an easy run of things. He had to find his way in life like everybody else – through the tedium of putting food on the table, managing his relationships, learning skills and picking failed business ideas up off the floor.
Everything you’re wrestling with now, he had to get through at some point.
It’s never the perfect time. And if we’re waiting for the perfect time it’s easy to find excuses. I’m not going to get on top of my finances this year, because it’s a busy year at work, the kids are starting high-school, the missus hasn’t been feeling well…
Life never stops.
Successful people enable themselves. They know they need to take responsibility for the shape of their own lives – regardless of what the winds of fate have brought them. The know that great stretches of the road to success are as boring as bat-poo.
But they embrace the banal struggles of the daily grind as just par for the course.
The way of the tea-cup warrior.
Look at it another way. Another friend of mine has a bit of a reputation for being a grizzly-guts, but in her defence she says, “I’m friendly to people if they’re friendly to me.”
Exactly. She’s waiting for other people to open up a friendly relationship, and then she’ll be friendly in response. She’s waiting for others to enable her friendliness.
But what if you meet someone who’s got the same attitude as you? You’re stuck in a Mexican stand-off – neither one willing to be the first mover towards friendly relations.
An empowered person on the other hand says, “I like it when things are friendly, so I’m just going to lead into that and see what happens.” Their opening move is warm and friendly – big smiles and firm handshakes. They’re taking charge of the situation for themselves.
There’s a relationship truth here too. You often hear people complaining about their partners – how their not romantic enough, how they don’t talk about their feelings, how they’re not passionate enough.
But sometimes this is just buck-passing. You want to live passionately, romantically, with a life full of rich emotions. What are you waiting for? Just do it. You don’t need anyone to give you the experiences you want. Don’t give away your power.
Step into the life you want for yourself, and then invite others into that. Don’t wait for others to enable the life you hunger for.
You can create the life you want. And, in fact, that’s the only way it’s going to happen – if you create it for yourself. Nobody owes you anything. The world doesn’t care if you sink or swim.
If you want to achieve something, do it. Accept that you’ll have your share of challenges – many unglamorous hours making tea and doing your taxes, just like everybody else… and then just get on with it.
Enable and empower yourself.
Tim says
I always enjoy your blog but this is one of your best. What you say is very true!!
lassal says
I so wish you stop using your B.S. abbreviation. So immature, un-attractive and inappropriate. And I saw wish that one day I’ll read something concise and concrete in your posts
Ken. says
Would you rather him say BULLSHIT. You should always proof read your post before posting. Nobody is perfect. An old saying is, “It is not as important to ‘find an answer’ to every question as it is to just simply ‘understand’ the question.”
Tom says
Kettle Black?
Remember that ‘him’ is the objective and ‘he’ is the subjective’. So, “Would you rather he say BULLSHIT?” Note the question mark used for a question. However, your point is very apt.
Our English language is in for a hard time, with all the abbreviations and omissions accepted in texting. All the more reason why written English should be more carefully constructed. Starting from the top level, there is then only one retrograde step instead of compounding on the already faulty base.
So often we see cases where, in haste, folk use there instead of they’re. A classic is the inappropriate use of its & it’s. The fact that with most nouns, the apostrophe is used to denote the ‘possessive’ case leads some to erroneously apply it to the pronoun “it”. Because in spoken English we frequently use elisions, the apostrophe in “it’s” denotes the absence of the second “i” in “it is” – not the possessive, because the possessive pronoun is “its”.
I was pleasantly surprised recently when I saw a pair of notes left in the crib room at a mine. The first read, “Please clean up your mess. I’m not your slave!” The retort asked, “Would you be so impertinent if I were?” I so rarely come across the correct use of the subjunctive! It was even more impressive, given that it was from a mine worker – not renown for language niceties.
Ken. says
Tom, if you want to waste your time here correcting English, start with the crappy American version. I know the difference between subject and predicate. I wasn’t correcting his spelling, only his whinging about Jon’s term B.S. This is how we talk in Aussie slang and enjoy it too. It’s a better way of sounding POOFY AND DRAWN OUT AS WE CALL IT. WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM.
Sowrabh Behl says
I don’t agree. no B.S. fridays is great.
Simon says
You have demonstrate “People over-estimate the role circumstance played in great people’s lives and under-estimate the personal effort that it required.”
Phil Bates says
Yes straight to the point just do it!
Brendan says
Great stuff as always!
Fiona says
Great food for thought & I especially like your comparison about initiating a positive interaction with people instead of waiting to check on their demeanor first.
mymelodies22 says
A great outlook on life ^-^
Jenny says
Excellent post! Concise and concrete (a bit tongue-in-cheek for Iassal ?).
I always enjoy reading your posts, Jon, well thought out (even when I don’t agree), good information, good humour – what’s not to like?
Have a great day!
Cheers
Jenny
Trish Jenkins says
Love, love, love this Jon! Gotta go do the stuff now!
Sowrabh Behl says
No B.S. fridays is awesome. Good work. Couldn’t agree more to this.
jan says
Agree but I think everyone generally do try to achieve things in life but there are times when things get you down again and you do the positive attitude yet again. Don’t want to sound perismistic but sometimes it just not that easy. I agree lifesis what you make it but there are so many variables that works against you.
anyway agree with you 100%.
Andrew says
Yeah, great stuff Jon… Crikey it must be great to have so many lady friends to spend time drinking coffee with you…!! Love to be able to do that..!!
Will says
Lady customers is where it is at…. Great communicators! I also have a house full of them …soon to be 5.
Will says
Thanx again… I am reaping such benefits from a refreshed attitude, myself… I am looking forward to the next Seminar.
Debbe says
Absolutely correct. You, and you alone, are responsible for the quality of your life. If you spend your time waiting for others, then you’ll still be waiting at the grave. Shut up, get up, and do something about it yourself.
No success is achieved via someone / something else. Make it happen for yourself.
Peter says
An excellent article. One of your best.
Helen says
Inspirational Jon great energy thanks for sharing! Love your work 🙂
Steve says
Jon, the truth has now been spoken.
As a long term Day Trader and property investor all your words are the truth.Especially others wanting you to conform and do something productive with your time.
A reality check for some: During WW2, of all allied troops on the front line in ‘actual’ combat, 85% could not physically and mentally ‘pull the trigger’ of their weapon to save their life.
So true of all risk and rewards of Life!!
Steve
Ken. says
Hi Steve, Sorry but they obviously weren’t from Australia’s 9th division, ‘Rats Of Tobruk.’ No Hun ever stood up to the Australian bayonet charge. Just for the record.
Damon says
Wow, Lassal, Was there something in the blog that you missed. I teach my kids it is your choice to be positive or negative but always take a millisecond to think of the consequence of each action first before acting. A considered positve response from Lassal might have been mature, attractive and appropriate. Today’s blog was indeed concise and concrete.
I look forward to Friday’s.
Damon
Richard says
That’s life and the way to go. Can’t agree more.
Kaye says
Well worth delaying my “to do’ list to sit and read this. It all rings true – plainly without feeling preached at.
Jacqueline Johns says
Yep – it takes courage to stand out from the crowd, stand up for yourself and live the life you WANT. Too many people play life small, simply because that’s what those around them do. If you want to play a big game (and who wouldn’t?) it pays to have a look at the people you surround yourself with. Move away from the Negative Nancys and Norberts and find people with like minds, who see life as the great opportunity it is. Take life by the scruff of the neck and do with it what YOU will. You are the only one living your life – make the most of it and play BIG. Great post.
rob kelly says
Take it as it comes
If it doesn’t come
Go out & get it
If its not there
Create it
Maharishi
BRENT says
hey all.lassal.i wonder why you bother looking at B S Friday if it doesn’t do anything for u.funny how this person writes about wanting something more interesting.but keep coming back.a Mexican standoff in its own right I reckon.lol.i guess the moral here is don’t hang around ppl like this.they punish themselves and annoy the crap out of me.my life is and will be.if I don’t like something I wont keep going back and forth.simple really.but ppl like this are intitled to be so negative.but ppl like us BS Friday readers will move forward.and leave the weight bearers behind.love the motto maharishi.lol.
Shai says
Love this! Awesome right on read & a great pick me up when I’m down.
Freeman on the land, not a dead-man under the sea. says
Jon you manage to entertain very well, but non of your blogs really get to the heart of anything or manage to elucidate enough to bring about any real or lasting change…
This must be quite an art, old boy… well done!…
hey who am I to let the truth get in the way of a good story…lol
Suzie says
Brilliant! My business adviser and I were just talking about this at our meeting today. So it reinforced everything we said about it being up to each of us to make a success of our businesses and our lives. Though I do empathize with what Jan says. We do all get knock backs in life that we have no control over. However, as they say, Jan, it’s not what happens to you but what you do with what happens to you! This post has definitely inspired me to read more of these blogs!
jan says
You always open the door. It’s up to each person to go through it. And as can be seen from some of the responses it’s easier to criticise instead of taking it on board. Love BS Fridays. Perhaps the criticisers (is that a word!) could suggest another title. Bet they don’t! Just get on with it – I’m 68++ and still getting on with it!!
Ingrid Medova says
It’s true, we make our own luck don’t rely on others, just remember the sun goes up and comes down at night the next day is another day and a day to be a do-er not a don’t do…I had a motto when I was 22 years old. “Nothing is impossible” that took me to the base camp of Mt Everest! Now I have a great partner and a great future…
Michael Franks says
Hello Ingrid,
Totally agree with you. But it got me thinking – why do we even have the word in the dictionary?
Di says
I really enjoyed this one. Thanks.
Macca says
Interesting piece, but regarding Richard Branson – who we all love – his father was a barrister, his grandfather a high court judge, and his parents bankrolled his early business ventures. Just saying.
Go Gurl says
Love this peice to bits it has empoweredme to move onwards & upwards & reminded me I’m doing ok not too great at the mo but that path will follow as it always does!! Love this 2 bits!! WooP WooP !!!!!
Fifi says
Like Tv over summer, this is a repaet blog. How about something new?
Ken says
FIFI, SHOW SOME RESPECT. IF YOU DONT LIKE IT, DON’T READ IT.
EpicRush says
Wow. Thank you for reprinting this old classic!
Jack says
I really dont like reading, but I make it to the end of everything you write! very inspiring stuff