People make life what it is, so be very, very choosy about the company you keep. These are the folks to look out for…
The more time I spend on this rock, the more convinced I am that the people in your life are the only things that matter.
(Well, people and sport, but for the sake of a blog built on grand posturing and sweeping generalisations, let’s just go with people).
It’s our relationships to others that gives life its sweetness. It’s a sense of connection that fills our days with joy and meaning…
… or frustration and angst.
That we spend so much time stressing about our relationships is a testament to how important they are.
But I’m not the Dalai Lama. I’m not really into that whole ‘love everyone the way Buddha loved every cherry blossom’ kind of thing. Some people just genuinely give me the craps.
But I’ve learnt as I’ve got a bit older that I can manage my relationships the way I manage my portfolio. A little bit of energy put into managing my connections can really pay off.
But like all good work, it begins at home. And so a big part of it is not asking any one person to be everything. I’ve got mates I talked to about football, but who wouldn’t have a clue about what’s going on in the economy. And vice versa.
And so I go to different people for different things – the way each fruit offers the palate something unique and special. Some people offer scintillating conversation. Some people just gentle easy companionship. Some people offer me a padded-shoulder when I just want to curl up on the sofa and watch Beaches and cry into my tim-tams.
(No, not really. But you get my point.)
And I don’t hold it against everyone if they can’t meet me on every level. (And who could? Maybe a clone of me, but I’m not sure I’d really want to spend that much time with that guy. He tends to go on a bit.)
But even this idea has its limits.
For example, I’m happy to debate facts and figures (a lot of these blogs come out of conversations I’ve had). But if I get the sense we’re debating world views, then I don’t waste my breath.
Take gold-bugs for example. Gold bugs believe that “the end is nigh” (always), and the economy is only ever a day or two away from total collapse. The ONLY investment that makes any sense is gold.
As kind of mercantilist conspiracy theorists, I can kind of understand their position. But I also know that anything I say is just going to fall on deaf ears. The future is unknowable and we’d only open up an endless debate with no way of convincing each other one way or the other (though of course, I’d be right).
I know some people enjoy this kind of banter (I’ve read the comments section on youtube) but personally I’ve got better things to do with my time.
It is a long journey. I remember when I first started out, first started doing my own research, my view on the world totally swung on the views of the last author I read. And I was amazed at how many radically different outlooks and investment philosophies could all sound so plausible and sensible.
It takes time to know what you’re talking about.
And on the way you’ve got to go through that awkward phase of having done a lot of research and having read a lot of relevant info, but not being able to reproduce it on demand. I remember suffering through quite a few conversations where I knew I was right, but I didn’t have the facts to hand, or the logic well-versed enough to convince someone else. Once I’d got home and looked it up on Google I wanted to call people back and restart the argument, but that’s pretty lame. I had my pride.
(In French, they call it ‘wit of the stairway’ – to know what you should have said in an argument only after the conversation’s over and you’re on your way out of the room. I suffered from ‘wit of the google’.)
But above all, the conversations I avoid at all cost, are arguments about whether it can be done or not. If I get the sense that a conversation has just became a clash of my abundant, anything’s-possible, I-can-be-a-rainbow-unicorn-if-I want-to mentality, and their poverty, scarcity, life’s unfair and I’m-very-attached-to-my-self-pity-thank-you-very-much mentality, then I just walk away.
It’s another argument you’re never going to win, and it can be expensive. If you fail to convince them – if you fail to make them see a truth you see so clearly – then you can end up doubting yourself. Doubt can creep in. Maybe I am kidding myself…
Don’t let the Negative Nancy’s and the Nigel Never-gunna-happen’s pull you from your belief in your self and the opportunities the world has to offer.
My advice is actually, if you can, cut these people right out of your life altogether. Critical feedback and constructive criticism is worth its weight in gold, but you’re only going to get it from people who share your world view.
Life too short, and your energy’s too precious, to waste it trying to perform psychic chiropractory on someone who doesn’t want to be healed. Even maintaining an immunity to negativity takes work.
Don’t bother. Surround yourself with people who believe in you. Who energise and uplift you. Who can see the goals you want to achieve, and want to help make it happen.
These are the companions that make the long journey of life the exciting adventure it can be.
More precious than gold.
JD says
I can be a rainbow unicorn!?! My favorite line of the month… no… the YEAR!
mario says
Hi Jon Thank you for your emails as i normally don’t response to them i am always reading them.Like talking to a like minded friend i can relate quite well to what you are saying.Thank you again and have a great day Mario
Tamara says
I’ve been a bit too busy of late to keep up with your Friday sermons I just happened to take the time today and like Mario, I don’t normally respond either. I have to say though this is gold. ‘Stay gold ponyboy’. There are more of ‘us’ than you know.
Daana Banov says
Exactly! I’m a true believer in an abundant, anything’s-possible, I-can-be-a-rainbow-unicorn-if-I want-to mentality…. because the key words are ‘IF I WANT TO’ – then I can make it happen.
Rick says
I didn’t know eunech horns could be gay?
Philippe says
Pretty deep stuff Jon.
Of course one cannot expect to always succeed in everything but one can always give it a try. If I don’t succeed, I can always feel content that I tried my very best, no regret. But if I feel that there still is potential, then I try again until there is no more.
Thomas Edison made over 1000 attempts at inventing the light bulb until one day… he litterally had his light bulb moment. But it’s from the start that he had seen the light! We too can be ‘enlightened’ and keep trying.
James Glanvill says
Dear Jon,
(I’ve always wanted to write a ‘Dear John’ letter!)
Today’s message is PURE GOLD!
I knew a ‘Buy Gold NOW! The financial world is gunna crash!’ guy back in the 70’s. I’m still waiting and he is retired and on the Pension!
Anyway the real ‘gold’ in what you have to say today is to listen to those who know what they’re talking about! And IGNORE the rest!
I have written a Free Report about that very fact which is available through my website
http://www.ListenToTheKnows.com
I came to this conclusion when I was looking for an Internet business and was absolutely blown away by the amount of vicious, unsubstantiated CRAP that is out there. I also realised I have made a number of poor financial and business decisions over the years that have cost me a fortune, because I listened to the ‘Nos’! How many other possible success stories have been crushed because someone listened to these negative, uninformed morons?
Anyway, enough ranting. Keep up the good work! I always look forward to your ‘No BS Friday’ blog. It never fails to have something truly valuable in it!
Regards
James
Karen E says
What a privilege it is to receive your emails on Fridays Jon. So many websites are flogging product disguised as a blog. It’s therefore refreshing to get your perspectives which come with no other agenda than your desire to share your accumulated wisdom and experience. Thanks
JohnnyB says
You can do it!!! Rainbow unicorns of the world unite! Great uplifter for a Friday afternoon Jon
Alvin Purple says
Dear Jon,
when you say No B.S. you really mean it. And while I like the Internet and what it can do, we must be aware that there is an awful amount of B.S. out there. With you, Jon, I know that I won’t get any B.S. and I like the way you call a spade a spade and not a bloody shovel.
Indi says
I have to say (and it looks like I am not the only one) that I dont normally read these friday emails, but I did read this one today and I have to say – it was really great!
Thanks Jon. Keep up the good work!
Simon says
Dr Phil had his mate TD Jakes on for a minute promoting his book, ‘Instinct’ which seems to be another angle on being true to yourself, and he was saying that people are a certain way, and you shouldn’t spend your life chafing on the people around you making them fit the role you have for them
Andrew Mc says
Yes this very true, and most of us with a positive mindset instinctively know that we shouldn’t hang around negative people, but it can be hard not to as often it’s one of our good friends or relative/member of our family who has the negative mindset. This is the most toxic situation because we are more reluctant to just cut these people out of our life, so we continue to hang around them and they continue to infect us with their worldview.
Both my parents and my only sister have the negative world view which means I have to severley limit my interactions with them and this has meant I have had to become much more of a loner. Like what you’ve said no matter how much I try to convince them otherwise it never gets any better. In fact it seems to be a trait of anyone who is negative that they are almost always particularly stuck in their ways and their views can’t be changed because they are ‘right’.
You are 100% on the money Jon when you say that what is at stake with talking to these people is potential loss of self belief because that is of course the most important factor in successful thinking.
One of the most frustrating things I find talking to my parents is they look at my past results with business ventures which have not gone well for whatever reason and say to me ‘your’re never going to be successful’ – which actually just makes me angry to hear. For one, why would my parents of all people in the world be that unsupportive and critical when parents are supposed to be the most supportive people in our lives? Also do they relise the potential damage and long term effects that speaking those 5 words is going to have on my psyche? I think saying those words to anyone especially as a parent is not only careless but actually downright destructive.
Anyway, for anyone who has parents like mine, just remember this which is one of my favourite quotes from the movie ‘The Secret’ – “The results you have in your life are not who you are, it’s who you WERE”! So moral of the story don’t let anyone try to tell you that the results you have had in the past will dictate your results going into the future. You can reinvent yourself at any time (and strive to become a rainbow unicorn if you like!)
Anna says
Wow!! This article is gold!! Thanks for sharing your wisdom!!
Scott nothing to do with me says
Only time will tell
As a domino falls to its makers will
nancy pi squared says
Great post. Whoever you have outsourced to should get a pay rise