It’s one of the many paradoxes of success I reckon – to be successful you need to be able to stand on your own. You need resilience and an ability to self-start. But it’s also incredibly difficult to do on your own. You need to be able to ask for help.
When I look back on my journey, there were many moments when I just had to put my head down and slog it out on my own – when I felt like the whole world was against me.
But I also know I’d never have gotten to where I am today with the help and guidance I received from others.
I’m grateful everyday that some people – a lot smarter and richer than I am – decided for who knows what reason, to take me under their wing. They became mentors, teachers and friends.
Every successful journey needs two elements – a drive system and a navigation system.
Drive you’ve got to come up with by yourself. Only you can tap into those reserves of motivation and ambition and make that commitment to move forward.
But navigation is another matter.
Imagine I blindfolded you, took you up in a plane, and then dumped you in some random corner of Australia and told you to make your way to Alice Springs.
Presuming you’re up for taking instructions from a millionaire nut-job with a helicopter, how would you find your way to Alice Springs?
Would you go north or south? Both could be completely the wrong direction. Do you try to go inside and tap into some sort of intuition? Good luck with that unless you’ve already developed psychic super-powers.
That’s the thing about being lost. When you’re lost, you can't determine for yourself the right way to go. The best you can hope for is blind luck…
… unless you have someone who can show you the way.
It’s the same story being wealthy and successful. You might have some concept of what that’s like, but that doesn’t really help you – no more than having a sense of what Alice Springs is like.
You need the help of someone who can understand where you are, where you want to go, and how you can get there.
This is the essence of a teacher.
But we’ve got some pretty strong aversions to mentors and teachers in the West – to pretty much any one who might try and tell us what to do.
This is a shame, because we’re lost without them.
I think the school system has a lot to answer for here. In an effort to make us functional cogs in a global money machine, teachers have been forced to become disciplinarians.
Ask any teacher. The moments where they actually get to share wisdom – the part of the job that can make it so satisfying – are rare. Mostly it’s just crowd control.
As a result we associate teachers not with helping us reach our potential, but with authority and control. We come to resist and resent them.
And we feel we’ve got to do it all on our own.
The one exception to this in Australian society seems to be around sports coaches. We totally get that concept. Even Roger Federer – probably the greatest tennis player that’s ever lived – has a coach.
We can see the value there. Someone to take a look at our form and tell us what they can see. Someone who can help us navigate a journey towards success. Someone who can keep us motivated, and help push us through our blocks.
But this is exactly the kind of influence we need in our journey towards wealth.
But the question then is, how do we find someone we can trust and work with. There’s a lot of folk out there offering their services.
Some are genuine. One of the things that I found now that I’ve “made it”, is that when I look back and can see how much of my success I owe to others, I become passionate about ‘paying it forward.’
But some are not. Some are just in it for the money. Or worse still, a sense of self-importance.
So how do we find someone who can really help us?
I don’t know if there’s any hard and fast rules, but here’s a few thoughts.
- Find some who inspires you – not just in terms of their measureable success, but the kind of person they are. Find someone who is living the life – in all its aspects – that you want to be living.
- You can know them by the company they keep. Successful and deeply powerful people will tend to gather a loyal and talented company around them. Like the knights of the round table. A teacher’s qualities will be reflected in his students.
- Beware of comforters and flatterers. Many will try to seduce you in with promises of easy roads, glorious futures and “specialness.” It’s a good life practice to run from anything that wants to comfort you and play to your ego. There’s no way to avoid hard work. You wouldn’t even want to. Don’t listen to anyone who promises a ‘workless’ path.
- Beware to those who would take the work from you. This is another seductive trap – someone who will carry the burden for us. But a life without burdens makes us weak. Find someone who can teach you to fish, not just someone handing out fishes. (Unless it’s Jesus. Then you should probably follow Jesus, provided he meets the three previous conditions.)
- Give yourself time and listen to your gut. Sometimes we become desperate and start clutching at straws – at anyone who promises a quick fix. We become deaf to our intuition, about why this doesn’t ‘feel’ right. Don’t let that happen. Take the time to feel into it.
- Don't wish the job was easier, always wish that you were better. If you come from this angle, you'll develop a strong “can-do” muscle rather than be a victim to the stuff that happens around you. One thing for sure, there will always be challenges that crop up. How you perceive them and how you handle them creates your future.
- Everything that happens in your life is your fault. It's an extension to the last point I mentioned. If you come from a 100% accountability position, you effectively take control of your own life. This is a principle that I've lived with for the last 15 years and it has served me well. I know it's a challenge, especially when it comes to situations that you believe are totally out of your control… However, are they really?
I don’t know if that’s a fool proof guide, but it’s a start. Be strong and independent, but don’t be afraid to take help if it’s offered to you.
Have my 7 steps helped you to clarify that you don't have to go it alone to be successful?
Do you have your own steps that have helped you deal with challenges and create success?
Nathan says
Wow. ”
Everything that happens in your life is your fault. …. you believe are totally out of your control… However, are they really?
I’ve never heard it put that way but it really that’s great advice for someone trying to accept responsibility and take control of their life. It’s not true of course but as I cannot do anything with that bit except whine and wallow in self pity it’s empowering in a strange way.
Thankyou!
Eileen says
I’ve never had a mentor, just collaborators. When you have ‘get up and go’ others, (who also have it) recognise a fellow traveller. People who are ‘going places’ mix with others going places. So do your job well, don’t shy away from hard work or new challenges. Don’t brag about your achievements, (good bosses will see them) and promotions will follow. Everyone can learn from others, don’t assume otherwise. Share your knowledge and experiences, if nothing else you’ll be fun to be around!
arthur says
I keep hearing people talk about how they were fortunate enough to find mentors, people that took them under their wing subsequently becoming successful themselves, but I am yet to see this phenomena with my own two eyes. Every so called mentor I have met has been in it to see what they can get out of the person they are metoring for themselves. Either the mentors that you mention do not exist or they are as rare as hens teeth,
Nicko says
Oh Arthur, that’s a sad position to take. I have mentored others and have mentors myself. What we get out of it for ourselves is the feel good of seeing someone else develop their own potential and their success, nothing more, nothing less. Mentors don’t walk around with a mentor sign on them and can arrive in many forms; keeping your mind open can reap surprising rewards.
arthur says
Nicko it maybe as you say a sad position to take however, the fact of the matter is that its a true reflection of what is out there. Talk is cheap , I have heard the mentor argument time and time again and I am yet to see it manifest, all I hear is people talking about it.
Keeping an open mind as you state can also be the cause of losing a heap of money as most so called mentors I have personally met have been in it for themselves.
My experience as a business owner and property investor has been that as soon as you look like been successful the so called mentors come out of the woodwork in droves, Their intentions are not to help but to see what they can get out of you. The simple fact is I am yet to see this “mentor” phenomena play out in real life.
Gazzz says
When the mentors start coming out of the woods, your job is to sift, to find the ones Jon is talking about. Usually, they have plenty enough for themselves and are in a position of wanting to give back. If you don’t know any, possibly your circle of friends etc. isn’t what it might be and so maybe you need to keep on truckin’ solo.
Carmelo says
livlll
Carmelo says
Hi Jon,
Interesting comments you have made.
“Some are genuine. One of the things that I found now that I’ve “made it”, is that when I look back and can see how much of my success I owe to others, I become passionate about ‘paying it forward.’
But some are not. Some are just in it for the money. Or worse still, a sense of self-importance.
So how do we find someone who can really help us”?
Are you genuine, Jon? Do you pay it forward like your mentors did for you cause I am looking for a mentor. I will be grateful just like you were all those years ago.
However, I agree with Arthur.
I have met many people too ” who have made it” and they all say the same thing what YOU have said above.
WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN IS FIND SOMEONE, BUT NOT ME!!!!…or pay me a fortune and I will mentor you. I have found that the successful mentors of today were helped by successful mentors of yesterday. The difference is that yesterday mentors did it becuase they got a buzz from helping people, however todays mentors need to get something back to ” pay it forward”.
Which one are you, Jon?
Tom says
Thanks for changing gear, Jon.
Life frequently amazes me by throwing into my path the most appropriate info for the moment.
Sometimes it is when a friend, out of the blue, lends me a book; or a chance aside in a discussion on the radio; or a program on TV.
Sometimes there is a strong element of the subconscious mind pricking its ears up when something appropriate pops up on its radar – similar to hearing somebody mention your name, across the other side of a crowded room. “Sleep on it!” is another example of letting the subconscious do its thing.
Recently, my life has been rudder-less.
Point #7 to the rescue!!!
Actually, I have already typed up the seven points and stuck the list to the top of my screen — #7 is typed BOLD and large.
No more whinging to myself!!! Digitus extractus!!!
Thanks Jon, old Mate – Mentor meus!!! (Pig Latin for ‘my mentor’?)
JoAnn says
Fantastic points and guidance – particularly resonate with 6). Thanks for the inspiration and enjoy your entertaining emails x