I show you a totally above-board way of bribing the Prime Minister, not that anyone seems to care…
Ok, imagine this. The secret order of Templar Space Lizards has gathered together. They drinking brandy (or virginal blood) from fine crystal glasses, deep in their velvet and chestnut wood lined lair.
One of them has just become the leader of a small, supposedly free, nation.
He’s hitting up the other Templar Space Lizard Knights for more money to carry out his evil plans.
The other Knights say no. What have you done for us lately, they say. We need to see more out of you, young knight. Give us something to invest in.
But then, a journalist manages to escape with a transcript of the meeting, and he publishes it in his paper.
The public see that their supposed democracy is a sham, and they rise up in an orgy of violence and revenge and witty social media memes.
Finally, the Templar Space Lizard Knights are cast out, and democracy is saved.
An American President, on a war boat safely anchored in Hawaii, claims the credit.
Sounds far fetched, right? You could never sell it to Hollywood.
But then read this article from the AFR..
The Turnbull government’s strained relationship with corporate Australia has come under more duress following some heated exchanges between the Prime Minister and the nation’s leading chief executives at a private dinner in Sydney on Monday night.
…The dinner was attended by board members of the Business Council of Australia – president Grant King, chief executive Jennifer Westacott, Richard Goyder, Ian Narev and Catherine Tanna. Other CEOs and BCA members included the ANZ’s Shayne Elliott and BHP’s Andrew Mackenzie. The dinner was held in the board room of Sydney law firm King & Wood Mallesons.
One source said Mr Turnbull, who handed over $1.8 million of his own money to help the cash-strapped Liberal Party get through the 2016 election campaign, prevailed upon corporate Australia to help out more.
…Another source said… “There hasn’t been support for big business why would we support the government on anything?”
There was universal support for the company tax cuts and a reaffirmation from business that the government must persist with trying to legislate the reminder of its plan which, by 2026-27, would deliver a company tax rate of 25 per cent for all corporations.
As a former treasurer of the Liberal Party, Mr Turnbull knows how hard it is to get money out of donors, he said.
“They have got to have something to invest in. It’s not like here’s our money and we’re going to back you.”
Um… That’s pretty much the first part of my story.
And the second? Well, I ran some social media analytics on “Violent Uprising”, and there’s barely a murmur.
For some reason, and it still baffles me why, we think this is normal.
The Prime Minister is sitting down to a private dinner with the richest and most powerful people in the country.
He asks them for more money.
They say, well, you haven’t done much for us lately. You’ve got to give us something to ‘invest’ in. It’s not like our political donations are just charity, you know.
Except that they are “charity”. That’s what we’re asked to believe whenever anyone wonders whether it’s a good idea to let billionaires buy politicians.
“Oh no, political donations are not about buying influence. We’re just happy to support Australia’s glorious democracy.”
It’s a lie so ridiculous it’s breath-taking when you stop and think about it. And yet somehow we’re expected to believe that politicians can govern in the public interest when private money is paying the bills.
What’s worse, it feels like politicians are getting more brazen about it. Like, they’ve just stopped pretending that a career in politics isn’t mostly about setting yourself up for a cruisy and well paid appointment, post-politics.
Remember when Ian MacFarlane resigned from parliament. He was the resources minister in the Abbott government, and oversaw the knifing of the resource tax.
Abbott got up in parliament and said on the day of his retirement:
“(Killing the MRRT) was a magnificent achievement by the member for Groom in his time as minister … and I hope the sector will acknowledge and demonstrate their gratitude to him in his years of retirement from this place.”
He actually said that. In public.
And what do you think he meant by “demonstrate their gratitude”? That maybe they would send him some flowers once a year on his birthday? Or that they would “look after him” financially?
As it turns out, and I’m sure its just coincidence, within months, MacFarlane was appointed to the highly paid role of CEO of the Queensland Resources Council.
There was also some talk of some flowers.
Now the Coalition does have a policy that politicians should wait at least 18 months before taking up positions like this, for modesty. But MacFarlane argued that the QRC was a state body, and he was a federal minister, so there was no conflict.
Politicians are paid generous pensions so they don’t get lured into conflicts like this.
Now you might say, what’s the problem? MacFarlane’s left politics.
Find a previous Prime Minister – I’m sure Kevin Rudd would be up for it – and pay them a ridiculous amount for something ridiculous. I’m thinking the $500K Hilary Clinton was paid to go and do balloon animals at the Goldman Sachs Christmas party.
Then you call up the current Prime Minister and say, “Oh, did you hear I paid Kevin Rudd $5 million to do a nudie run at my mates bucks party? Anyway, on a completely unrelated note, I’d like to talk to you about these annoying anti-slavery regulations.”
The message is very, very clear. Look after us, and we’ll look after you. Give us something to ‘invest in’ and we’ll invest in you.
And democracy, as we like to imagine it is when we’re bombing other countries in the name of freedom, is a joke.
This is where we’re at.
And yup, still nothing on those social media analytics.
At least give me a meme people.
How else could you bribe the PM in the current system?