After the heavy-duty debate on gold and the emotion that it triggered, I think it’s appropriate to talk about this…
It’s not something that a lot of people realise, but the road to wealth and financial security often demands a high-level of emotional intelligence.
Not always, of course. A lot of people make it into the upper echelons of wealth-dom without ever tuning into their own feelings. But for the kind of work that I do, and the kind of help that I offer people, a bit of emotional intelligence is essential.
For example, how do you feel about Paris Hilton?
When you think about all of her ‘obscene’ wealth – the cars, the jewellery, the Hollywood parties… when you remember that she’s never done a real day’s work in her life… when you realise that she commands more media attention than the Dalai Lama, but has less to contribute than a telletubby…
How do you feel about that?
If you’re like a lot of people I know, the emotional flavour tends to a sort of ‘condescending amusement.’
It’s a seductive emotional state. It makes you feel good. “I may not have a lot of respect, but at least I’m not that much of idiot. I may not have a lot of success, but at least I know the value of a hard day’s work. Maybe no-one cares about what I think, but at least I have opinions more sophisticated than a recipe for chocolate crackle.”
We live in an age where we are fully encouraged to give the dogs of judgement completely free rein. It’s the age of reality television (though I don’t know how much ‘reality’ there is in throwing a bunch of strangers into a completely contrived, studio-based situation…) But the primary commodity that reality television sells is ‘recreational judgement’.
We’re encouraged to sit around a bowl of pop-corn and have a good ‘ol judge.
“O.M.G she is such an idiot!”
“I can’t believe he just said that!”
“What is she doing? Who told her she could sing?”
And in case we’re missing the cue to flex our judgement muscles, put three authoritative ‘judges’ in some massive over-sized chairs, just to lead us through it.
(And then at the end, throw in some feel good, rags to riches, story of success we can all rally around and maintain the internal narrative that we are essential supportive and loving people – not completely lost to the demons of judgement and spite.)
But there’s a real danger in spending too long in this kind of space.
This is the lesson of ‘neuro-plasticity’. The more we practice something, the better we get at it – in all aspects of our life.
So if we spend a lot of time flexing our judgement muscles, they’ll get bigger. We’ll become judgment machines.
There’s a terrible danger in this, and I reckon society is completely blind to it.
Because the same muscles (neural pathways) we use to judge others, are exactly the same muscles we use to judge ourselves.
And so the more critical we become of others, the more critical we become of ourselves.
“judge not, lest ye be judged.”
And hating yourself is the surest path to unhappiness.
And the rub is that the more critical we are of ourselves, the more likely we are to being seduced by the recreational judgement of others. Paris Hilton is more of an idiot than me. That makes me feel good (well, less bad).
But it’s total mental junkfood, in that leaves you worse off in the long run. Because with the same thought that you’re judging Paris Hilton, you reaffirming the statement that you are also an idiot AND you’re building up your judgement muscles.
Don’t do it to yourself.
It’s a road to damaged and broken self-esteem. And it scares me that this is where we’re going as a society.
If there was a petition to ban reality (or recreational judgment) TV, I’d be the first to sign.
But I’m not in the business of lecturing psychology or social engineering. I’m in the business of helping my friends (and I consider every client a friend) find the road to financial security and wealth.
(And my guess is that you’re here for wealth tips, not amateur arm-chair psychology.)
So let me say then that unchecked judgement will become a major barrier to achieving the wealth you’re after, if you’re not careful.
Why?
Because why are you really judging Paris? Do you hate people less intelligent or less educated than yourself? No, my bet is you generally have compassion for those less fortunate than yourself in the brainy stakes.
Or do you hate people who don’t work? (hang on, aren’t you here because you want to spend less time working for the man, and more time hanging with friends and family and doing what you want?)
Or do you hate people who are wealthy and successful? But again, isn’t that why you read these posts. (I’m sure it’s not for the dazzling writing or even the technically correct use of grammar and punctuation.)
Even if it’s only at a mild and modest level, can you see what happens if we set up that kind of contradiction within ourselves? If we aspire to wealth and success, but freely judge those who are wealthy and successful?
We are asking ourselves to become the kind of person we don’t like.
Why would we do that? We beat ourselves up enough already. Why would we want to take more of that kind of punishment on?
And so a subtle level (even a vibrational level if you want to get all new-agey about it) we’re creating a resistance to exactly the kind of story we’re trying to call down for ourselves.
And so we won’t call down the opportunities we need, or if they do come, we’ll be unable to act.
No, we have to be careful. We need to be fully at peace with the journey we’re asking life to take us on. We need to feel it out, and feel joyful and expansive about it.
It takes work. It takes emotional intelligence. And it takes powerful discernment.
But not judgment. Leave all that judgement behind. It’s not yours.
Travel light and quickly, and with a joyous song in your heart.
And the road will come easy.
Brett Smith says
Brilliant!!! its always a pleasure to read your thoughts, good job.
Kind regards
Brett.
Naomi Stockman says
Well written and clearly explained.
Guard your thoughts, for they create your reality.
Naomi
Steven says
100%, see you at the top, lets invite Paris
Feeling my way, doing the daily work with song joy
Steve
Matt says
Can I be next in line to sign that petition against reality TV?
Well written, I enjoyed what you had to say here 🙂
Rob Benson says
Certainly the depiction of the person I have often looked upon with disapproval is the person I am trying to be (wealth and unemployed) You have help me concentrate
on being a little more emotionally intelligent.
Regards
Rob
Hil says
I would have to say one of the best posts you have written
Will says
I second that. I’ve normally deleted other post unread.
Andrew McQueen says
The reason I hate Paris is the fact that she doesn’t deserve to be rich and have all the media attention because she hasn’t done anything to earn it. That’s not to say I don’t like or don’t aspire be like those who don’t work or don’t work very often. But she has done absolutely zero to earn her money other than inherit it. Sure, it’s her parents perogative to generously give her some of their wealth, but by what right does that make her deserving to be popular? Are celebrities like this purposefully put forward to rub people’s faces in what they don’t have and thus make them feel bad and then buy more stuff? Don’t get me wrong I like and respect wealthy people who have a great character and have done something cool to earn their money like make millions investing in real estate or the share market, but these people never get the spotlight even though they are much more deserving of it than Paris. So in summary I believe that what people really hate about her is not he wealth but the fact that she is undeserving of the attention she receives.
Glen says
That’s an interesting thought, however if you think about what your saying and I am not suggesting you haven’t, then you are saying you hate people who get money without working for it. That would suggest you hate lotto winners as well. I would be very happy to have been fortunate enough to have had a huge inheritance or a lotto win, alas that was not to be.. I would feel very sad for anyone who hated me if it did happen.
Lindy says
I Agree.. It takes all kinds of people to help create this world we live in.. I appreciate of who she is and who she has become, We are all individuals, we just have to find our place of who we are and a choice of how we want to live our lives wealthy or not.. I value wealth earned or passed down to family line, I want to be in a place of wealth so I can hand down to my children n help those who need help because world isn’t becoming any easier to live in. Paris is someone who we can learn from, she was given that wealth for a reason.
Paul Blackburn says
Beautifully thought out and written JG. As a teacher of this stuff for going on 30 years, I take my hat off to your eloquent description of a concept I struggle to teach (effectively) every day.
Regards,
Paul Blackburn
Julie Vale says
Paul Blackburn is The Master. If he likes your post Jon you should be very proud of what you have written. Well said. I will now try to be less judgemental.
gus blacker says
you have great thoughts,good post, enjoyable read.
Keep it up.
Dave Bamford says
Wholeheartedly agree. However, despite disliking the product, one must respect Ms Hilton’s marketing ability!
Una Browne says
Beautifully written!! Thanks Jon. Always enjoyed your post.
Clinton Lane says
Well said. We seem to grow up with this in built notion that what we achieve financially and materially has to be tied to hard work.Don’t get me wrong hard work may be required, but why do we think someone does not deserve something because they did not work hard for it.Wouldn’t it be better if things and money came to us more easily?
I think we need to change our perception of what being weathy means to us so we wont’t subotage ourselves from becoming so.If we see wealthy people as generous,creative,disciplined,contributing memebers of society, then who would not want to become like them?
Regards,
josh says
The best post i have read this year. Combining the brain plasticity, the universe (what are we really asking the universe for?), karma and the ability to actually think. Careful Jon, how many cats can you let out of the bag with this one? It’s not only insightful and correct, but to be able to do it at all, is actually quite hard. This is training your brain to do something so different than it has done all it’s life.
If this is your attempt at armchair psychology then please deliver more – and our nod to you, is we will try to be more joyous in our hearts.
ANNE says
To Andrew McQueen…read Jon’s letter again..your light bulb moment is yet to come…Cheers. Anne
mark simcock says
Thanks john, great stuff. Ive never been envious of others that are achieving and prosperous. They have actually inspied me to have a go. And im not doing too badly.The trouble is with how i handle the envy and judgements of my work collegues, who earn the same money but do nothing with it.Except blow it.But im apparently lucky because i have assets. I feel like paris
Lexie says
Well stated Mark, I was in a similar situation to you but this year I finally got the courage to quit my job and move on from the envious people. I work more hours than I used to but now I am doing something I absolutely love. I also signed the petition to end reality TV by not watching it. This gives me the freedom to have a zero care factor with regards to what Paris Hilton is doing. I certainly wouldn’t want a lifestyle like she has. I am very happy with my own lifestyle.
Glenn says
Dead right Lexie. The likes of Paris only get to us because we allow them into our homes via the trash we watch on the box. Good for you for moving on to a more challenging career. I too am in a similar work situation.
KiwiPunter says
Hey John,
Great article – I agree with you – almost 100%. I agree that practising judgement leads to becoming judgmental, but I’m not so convinced it leads to self-loathing in the way that you describe.
I suspect more that it leads to becoming a hypocrite. It also leads to stress and high blood pressure and mental and emotional torture as you mentally begin to separate yourself from the rest of humanity – because they are all so – whatever. I think I can say this after hosting my outlaws for a year now. I’ve had to learn to surrender, because to judge them just damages my own well being.
I believe most people don’t think to look at themselves with the same judgement as they look at others, and maybe it’s just as well. But they do become haters of everyone else, and I believe this has a lot to do with why America in particular has so many lone gunman massacres, serial murderers, and so on. Because they are judged by society and rejected, and in turn judge the judgers. Both come to view the other with hatred, and eventually, someone snaps and goes berserk. I particularly remember the guy who turned his bulldozer into an armoured tank, then went on a rampage through town, bulldozing the properties of everyone he hated. That was pretty hilarious, but it was his swan song – he died at the end of it.
So, great choice of topic John, Well Done.
Last point – the Queen and the Royal Family are vastly richer than Paris Hilton, and have acquired most of their wealth by taking it from their subjects over hundreds of years. It’s all so (equally) unfair! But do we hate them equally as much? No. Is that because they don’t flaunt it?
Trevor says
Great post, Jon. I am exactly that person to which you are referring.
As a student of Dymphna and Mark, I have discs that are all about getting your head in the right place. Unfortunately, I haven’t watched them yet as I was too busy investing in the US and Sydney before those ships sail and re-structuring/clearing out my previously bought, non-performing investments.
Sometimes it is easy to just keep investing in the next deal instead of investing in the mind.
I do, however, plan to listen to these discs in the near future and I feel a whole lot better knowing I am not the only one who is so judgemental and hard on myself and that it is so common.
Thanks for lightening the load – much appreciated!
Trev
Paul says
Jon I am not really sure why all of you super rich want to try and educate us how to be like you especially when you want to charge us for the information .
I have personally done very well out of property since 1988.all on my own
I am now paying Australia’s “Largest” stockbroker and all they have done is lost me money. If I were to carry on with them I could easily loose all or most of the wealth I have created.
I am therefore extremely sceptical of any advisory company or spruikers trying to tell me how to better my financial life as I have never benefited and I have attended many seminars
Ben says
Jon, you blow my mind every time. I get dozens of investing emails every day… but yours are the only ones I MUST read – most of the others now just get trashed. Also, I enjoy your thoughts so much I’m pretty happy to read anything you think is worth saying, so bring on the armchair psychology by all means – hell, bring on BBQ advice if you get the inspiration.
Thanks for the effort mate.
Leigh Hampson says
John thankyou for explaining the practice makes perfect concept in relation to neural pathways. Some of your subscribers may enjoy reading Psycho psybernetics by Maxwell Maltz for a reference that introduced me to these concepts.
John Ray (@jonjayray) says
PH was disinherited
She made her money by herself by acting dumb
She is as smart as old Conrad and I admire her
Lady says
You are what you believe. Watch rubbish – become rubbish – enough said. We are being fed a diet of mind numbing material to take our minds off the doings of those who would control us. Emotional intelligence should be cultivated. Now that so many man hours on TV and Magazines are devoted to the Rich and Famous; so what. We have a finger to turn off the TV and hands which can be better utilised in not picking up trashy magazines. Do something good for your neighbour, in the biblical sense, in need. So many people are alone, lonely and sad. They all have a story to tell. It might make you feel good to listen to it and at least it is real and not manufactured for profit.
Kelly Patmore says
Theres never been any rewards for passing judgement, so its not worthy of our precious time! Thx 4 reminder, bad habits tend 2 resuface!
Anka says
Jon, I’m impressed with your work in general, but the recent posts are so deep that I’m impressed even more! You know the metaphysics behind the material creation and you teach it so naturally and with ease. Thank you for all the good work and keep going. Best wishes!
Colin says
Paris is a distraction for those that want to be distracted by the world in this way. I certainly don’t hate her but neither do I respect her, wealth has put her on the public stage and she is not doing anything that a lot of others wouldn’t mind doing themselves if they could.
Preconditioning ourselves to judge one another is also folly and I agree with everything you have written regarding this.
The important thing that I think is missing here is how we should live by example. If only Paris would use her position more wisely and bring benefit to others, she wouldn’t be ‘earning’ her position nor justifying it. She would merely be contributing to the greater good…. But that doesn’t sell magazines especially when they are all snapped up in a frenzy when someone needs a gossip fix.
The psychology is great but rather than judge, lead and blaze a trail!
Daniel Elrington says
Thanks Jon for the wisdom 🙂
silmasan says
I just googled the exact sentence “if you hate the rich you’ll always be poor” and this was the first result. 🙂