The stoics said the key to happiness was managing expectations.
Misery comes from expectations.
I’m going back to my stoic roots to help me keep my sanity in these crazy times.
And this is one of the key insights from the stoics.
Misery comes from expectations.
Think about it like this. Imagine someone gives you an apple.
That’s kinda nice. Apples are good.
But let’s put it in context.
You’re in a 5-hat restaurant and you’ve ordered Japanese beer-fed steak and a bottle of bubbly.
They come back and say, “Sorry Sir, all we can give you is this apple.”
You’re not happy now right. If you’re like me, you’re probably going to say some stuff that will put you on a black-list for the next five years.
But let’s imagine another scenario. You’ve been sleeping with your best mate’s wife for the past ten years. He calls you up and says that he’s got something to “give” you.
You’re mind starts to panic, but then he comes round to give you an apple from his tree.
Suddenly that apple is the best thing in the world.
So the context matters. Your expectation matters. The apple has a certain quality in and of itself. Apples are objectively pretty awesome.
But how much happiness you get from that apple really depends on what you were expecting.
And so this is where stoics put emphasis.
Happiness and misery are in large part determined by our expectations. If things go much better than expected, we are very happy. If they are worse, we’re miserable.
But – and this is an important but – we have the ability to control our expectations.
Our expectations are within our control – or at least within our sphere of influence – and in that way are an important leverage point in creating a happy life for ourselves.
I’m feeling this in myself right now. Melbourne has gone into six weeks of hard lockdown. I’m really bummed about that.
But part of my misery comes from the expectation that I was building – the expectation that we were coming through Covid, and life was about to get back to normal.
If I didn’t have this expectation – if I had another expectation – like if I was expecting 12 weeks of lockdown – I would be having a very different experience.
And so the discipline here is get our expectations of life anchored.
You can expect to have a happy life of abundant material comfort, or you can expect to die cold and alone with stage four bowel cancer.
If you choose the expecting painful death route – then every day you’re alive is a cause for celebration.
Seneca, a famous Stoic philosopher who, as the adviser of Nero, was actually very wealthy – he suggested that we should set aside a certain number of days each month to practice poverty. Go without food, wear your worst clothes, get away from the comfort of your home and bed.
Do what you can to anchor your expectations. Keep your eyes open to the grim and brutal realities that are the staple of human life.
If you can do this, then even simple pleasures will bring you great joy.
And in that way, this is a hack. It’s a way top reprogram your mind so it is primed for happiness.
Ask little, enjoy much.
And bring your happiness under your own control.
JG.